Scrubs (TV Series)

My Own Personal Hell (2006)

Ken Jenkins: Dr. Bob Kelso

Quotes 

• Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian : [narrating]  A local magazine named Dr Cox the best doctor in the city. Dr Cox felt this was big news.

  [Cox walks in front of doctors, paramedics and patients all arranged in a row] 

  Dr. Perry Cox : All right! Here's how it's going to work, people. I'm going to ask each and everyone of you just exactly WHO is the very finest physician in this city, to which you will respond: "You are!". If you do not reply in a timely and exuberant fashion , my associate here will take his mop and, these are his words, not mine, "Popsicle you".

  [poses a hand over Janitor's shoulder; he makes a rapid and threatening move with his mop] 

  Dr. Perry Cox : Now, my lovely ex-wife will demonstrate. Darling, just exactly who is the very best physician in our fair city?

  Jordan Sullivan : You are! And now, as agreed, you owe me a night on the town and some "me actually getting to finish" sex.

  Dr. Perry Cox : Well done. Now, down the line we go!

  Person in Line #2 : You are!

  Person in Line : You are!

  Asian Nurse : You are!

  Black Nurse : You are!

  Lonnie : Y'are!

  [the Janitor pokes him with the mop] 

  Lonnie : God! Why?

  The Janitor : You combined "You" and "Are", and you said "Yar". Made no sense.

  Dr. Perry Cox : It's true, Lonnie. Everybody heard it. Poke him again.

  [the Janitor pokes Lonnie again, he squeaks in pain. Cox notices Kelso in line] 

  Dr. Perry Cox : Bob Kelso... will you be joining us?

  Dr. Bob Kelso : Mh? Uh... there was a line... I assumed it had something to do with cupcakes.

  Dr. Perry Cox : Bob, obviously you read the article...

  Dr. Bob Kelso : Perry, the last publication I read was the issue of Out my son left by the crapper when he was home this weekend asking for money. You'll never get my validation, hotshot.

  [walks away, not poked by the Janitor] 

  Dr. Perry Cox : And just exactly where was the poke?

  The Janitor : I froze. Gimme 20 bucks, I will crack him over the head.

  Dr. Perry Cox : [gives Janitor the money]  Only kill him if you have to.