The Vicar of Dibley (TV Series)

The Easter Bunny (1996)

Trevor Peacock: Jim Trott

Quotes 

• David Horton : Item 6, then.

  Geraldine Granger : [Clears her throat]  Yes. As I was saying, since it's Ash Wednesday tomorrow, I thought perhaps we could all try to give something up for Lent?

  Letitia Cropley : Like bondage, you mean?

  Geraldine Granger : Er... possibly, yes.

  [Produces a wooden collection box labelled 'LENT FINES'] 

  Geraldine Granger : And then every time we fail, we have to put a pound in this box. Like you for instance, Newitt. You *could* try to give up swearing, couldn't you?

  Owen Newitt : I *don't* swear.

  Jim Trott : No no no no... yes you do!

  Owen Newitt : I bloody do not!

  Geraldine Granger , Hugo Horton : [Pointing]  In the box, in the box!

  Owen Newitt : 'Bloody's not swearing.

  Hugo Horton : I'm afraid it is.

  Owen Newitt : Bloody, bloody isn't.

  [Geraldine and Hugo nod] 

  Owen Newitt : Bollocks. Now that *is* swearing. And 'arse'. But 'bloody's just 'bloody'. It's a useful adjective, with biblical overtones.

  [Geraldine pointedly places the box in front of him. Resigned, he stands up and points at Mrs Cropley] 

  Owen Newitt : Well, she can give up cooking garbage then - I've eaten tastier slurry than this!

  [Takes a note from his wallet and adds it to the box] 

• Geraldine Granger : Jim! You could give up dithering, couldn't you? How's about it, Jim?

  Jim Trott : Yeah... no no no no... yes... er, well... not too sure... I-I, er...

  [Owen slams the box down in front of him] 

  Owen Newitt : Ha bloody ha!

  [Jim puts a pound in the box, then places it in back front of Owen and points] 

  Owen Newitt : Oh bugger! Oh... arse, arse, arse!

  [Adds a £5 note to the box] 

• David Horton : How's your little collection going, Vicar? Had to put in many pounds yourself?

  Geraldine Granger : None at all, David. Thank you very much for asking. Hoping to collect a few tonight though! Jim, I expect you'll be contributing a few?

  Jim Trott : Nope.

  Geraldine Granger : No? As in 'No no no no... yes'?

  Jim Trott : On the contrary, nope as in 'Nope'.

• Geraldine Granger : What about you, David? Perhaps you could be a little bit more friendly to everyone.

  Hugo Horton : Yes, father. Everyone's fed up to the back teeth with you shouting at them all the time like... some great... big bald... shouty type person.

  [David glares at him] 

  Hugo Horton : Except for me, of course!

  Frank Pickle : He's got a point, Sir.

  David Horton : [Stiffly]  Very well, easy-peasy! Although I'd quite like to know where all this money is actually going to.

  Geraldine Granger : Well, I thought we could start a neighbourhood video club. You know, on Friday nights in the hall, for people who haven't got a video of their own.

  Jim Trott : I've got a video, but it doesn't work. I plugged it in, switched it on and nothing.

  Frank Pickle : I didn't know you even had a TV.

  Jim Trott : No, I haven't. I... I-I plugged the video into the radio instead.

• Frank Pickle : Ah, you didn't know her if you didn't know her when she was young.

  Geraldine Granger : What was she like, young?

  Jim Trott : No, no, no, no, Rampant!

  Geraldine Granger : Really?

  Jim Trott : Oh yes. She was a lovely-looking girl. Red hair right down to her waist, eyes so bright, they sparkled in the dark, and a French kiss that would suck the tongue out of your mouth like an industrial vacuum.