Thirtysomething (TV Series)

Nice Work If You Can Get It (1987)

Ken Olin: Michael Steadman

Photos 

Quotes 

• Hope Murdoch Steadman : Honey, she's my friend.

  Michael Steadman : Yeah, and I shouldn't take advantage of that friendship.

  Hope Murdoch Steadman : Don't be ridiculous. Friends help each other.

  Michael Steadman : Yes, and that's why there's so much corruption in politics. You know, people go to jail for giving their friends contracts. Friends go to jail for accepting these contracts.

  Hope Murdoch Steadman : Did your mother have a babysitter?

  Michael Steadman : Yes... but she had a very limited criminal career.

  Hope Murdoch Steadman : Darling, Ellyn wouldn't hire you unless she thought you were qualified.

  Michael Steadman : Then what good is she?

• Elliot Weston : Why didn't you ask her?

  Michael Steadman : I couldn't ask her, she's a friend. You don't beg work from friends.

  Elliot Weston : Of course you do. What are friends for if you don't use 'em occasionally?

  Michael Steadman : Well, she's not even technically my friend. She's Hope's friend.

  Elliot Weston : Well, good. So if you blow it, then it's no big deal.

• Michael Steadman : I just thought I'd come by and... and tell you that I... I really, really hate you.

  Ellyn Warren : Thanks. Thanks.

  Michael Steadman : You're probably expecting an apology, huh, for the atrocious work we did, but I figured, hey, you hired us, you deserved it. So...

  Ellyn Warren : It wasn't that bad.

  Michael Steadman : Oh, please. I've just been through this. It was... it was a turkey. I'll live.

  Ellyn Warren : It was totally unfair, and we gave you no time.

  Michael Steadman : Oh? Then I should have asked for more time. But I didn't because I didn't want to look bad, so...

  Ellyn Warren : Well, Michael, I am your friend, if you want to talk to me.

  Michael Steadman : No, no, you're not my friend. You're Hope's friend from grade school or something. You know, it's like when you get married, you're supposed to instantly adopt all your spouse's friends, so you end up with all these fake relationships. I mean, you know, you didn't... you didn't pick this person for a friend. You know, she's just dumped on you.

  Ellyn Warren : Nice image. Thanks.

• Hope Murdoch Steadman : I don't understand how you take one hit, all of a sudden you're a hack.

  Michael Steadman : It's not just one hit. I do mediocre work all the time. You just don't know it. You think everything I do is great.

  Hope Murdoch Steadman : I lied.

  Michael Steadman : What?

  Hope Murdoch Steadman : I looked at it, and it wasn't any good, and it scared the hell out of me, and I didn't know what to say. I mean, you're brilliant. You do great work, and this was really bad.

  Michael Steadman : Thank you very much.

  Hope Murdoch Steadman : I didn't know it could happen. You always make everything come out right, no matter what it is. You make it look so easy.

  Michael Steadman : Easy? Easy? It's torture. I mean, honey, here's my work process: I'm brilliant. I'm the worst. I'm brilliant. I'm slime. I come home, you tell me I'm brilliant, I almost believe you. I make it through another day. And-and now I find out you're lying to me.

  Hope Murdoch Steadman : From now on, I won't lie.

  Michael Steadman : Oh, terrific. So I'll come home and have all my worst fears confirmed.

  Hope Murdoch Steadman : Michael, stop it. So what if you're not great? I think you're great. Maybe it'll take 20 years to find out. And what is great? I mean, Ted what's-his-name was the greatest ballplayer that ever lived, and he only ever hit 3 out of 10.

  Michael Steadman : Ted Williams. He hit 4 out of 10.

  Hope Murdoch Steadman : Thank you!

  Michael Steadman : So, can I just avoid seeing Ellyn for the rest of my life? Would that be awkward for you?

• Hope Murdoch Steadman : [preparing to meet a babysitter Nancy recommended]  Mike, I'm abandoning my child to a complete stranger, and how do I know this person isn't gonna be sweet in front of me and then when I leave, start doing strange psychological experiments or teaching her how to curse or something?

  Michael Steadman : So, we've narrowed our fears down to electric shock or blasphemy.

  Hope Murdoch Steadman : It happened to Ethan. You know, all of a sudden, last week he comes home from school, every second word out of his mouth was "Jesus Christ". "Jesus Christ, Mom, I don't want to wear that shirt. Jesus Christ, Grandma, are you still alive?"

  Michael Steadman : Where are they? Where are my lucky argyle socks?

  Hope Murdoch Steadman : I burned them. Janey and I tied them to an inverted cross in the backyard, and we danced around them naked until they lost all their powers. Check the dryer.

  Michael Steadman : Oh. The dryer.

  [checking] 

  Michael Steadman : Oh, thank God. Janey, you didn't hear that. Where's the other one? It's not here. No, I can't... I can't wear just one.

  Hope Murdoch Steadman : [hearing the doorbell]  It's her. Michael, tell her to go away. Tell her it's a mistake. Tell her it's no offense, but there's no way I can leave my child with someone like her.

• Ellyn Warren : Hi. Woodman's waiting. I did a pitch on you guys. He thinks you're the Lautrec and Stravinsky of the ad world. Now all you have to do is be brilliant.

  Elliot Weston : Oh. No problem.

  Michael Steadman : We're dead.

• Hope Murdoch Steadman : Michael, did you move the veal chops?

  Michael Steadman : Yes, honey. I mounted them onto the foyer wall. I figured what's the good of having expensive cuts of meat if passers-by can't see them? Right?

  Hope Murdoch Steadman : Oh, God. We ate them yesterday. Michael, Ellyn can't know that we don't have any food. She already thinks I'm a failure at my career for leaving it to be a housewife. If she finds out that I'm a bad housewife, she'll lose all respect for me.

  Michael Steadman : So, what should I do? I mean, sooner or later, she's gonna find out she isn't eating.

  Hope Murdoch Steadman : Stall her until I think of something. Maybe you could try to be nice to her. That would really throw her off guard.