- Mahandra McGinty: Have you been huffing paint? Because this isn't like you.
- Jaye Tyler: What do you mean, "like me"? There is no "like me." I'm not "like" anything, and if I were it certainly wouldn't be me.
- Mahandra McGinty: I don't know what you've become.
- Jaye Tyler: Fist of fate, thy name is Janet. Remember that?
- Mahandra McGinty: Janet was just venting. You've been channeling Tonya Harding. So, you ever plan on coming out of here?
- Jaye Tyler: I haven't decided yet.
- Mahandra McGinty: Mm. Well, word is you're about to be voted most spiteful.
- Jaye Tyler: They can't add a category!
- [seeing Mahandra's look]
- Jaye Tyler: Great. And you're mad at me, too.
- Mahandra McGinty: You made me feel sorry for Gretchen Speck. And I'm not sure I can forgive you for that.
- Gretchen Speck-Horowitz: Any of you holding Speck-Horowitz couples cards, toss 'em. They no longer apply. I'm losin' the hyphen and keepin' the ring.
- Mahandra McGinty: What a bitch. Is it wrong that I like her now?
- Jaye Tyler: I think she just walked out of here a free woman.
- Mahandra McGinty: Feel kinda sorry for her husband, though.
- Jaye Tyler: [remembering he was in a car crash] Let's just hope he's dead.
- Darrin Tyler: So, I hear you went to your reunion.
- Jaye Tyler: You talked to Mom?
- Darrin Tyler: Yeah, well, we sleep together.
- [Jaye opens the car door for him]
- Darrin Tyler: Thank you. Listen, I'm, uh... I'm sorry if you felt pressured to go because of me.
- Jaye Tyler: Oh, please. I forgive you.
- Darrin Tyler: So, you had no fun at all?
- Jaye Tyler: I think it's fair to say you had more fun when I ran you over. But I'm glad I went.
- Darrin Tyler: Well, I'm glad you ran me over.
- Jaye Tyler: Ha ha.
- Darrin Tyler: No, I'm serious. You're my good luck charm. You know those pointless, routine tests that they held me for? They found a blood clot in my leg, deep in a vein. It could have killed me. Thanks to you, they found it in time.
- Jaye Tyler: But you're gonna be okay?
- Darrin Tyler: I'm great. I'm going to breakfast with my daughter.
- [Jaye starts the engine]
- Darrin Tyler: Use your mirrors. Say, did you know our basic cable comes with lesbian porn?
- Jaye Tyler: I guess you're pretty mad at me, huh?
- Karen Tyler: Oh, don't be ridiculous.
- Jaye Tyler: I ruined your moment. I'm sorry.
- Karen Tyler: This night is not about me, dear. And I think I understand why you did what you did.
- Jaye Tyler: You do?
- Karen Tyler: It's my fault. I somehow gave you the impression that I wanted a daughter like Gretchen Speck.
- Jaye Tyler: [a little dumbfounded] Uh...
- Karen Tyler: Confident, motivated, blonde.
- Jaye Tyler: You just described Sharon.
- Karen Tyler: Well-married.
- Jaye Tyler: Okay, so not Sharon.
- Karen Tyler: But that girl's miserable.
- Jaye Tyler: Sharon?
- Karen Tyler: Gretchen. Oh, she's trapped in her perfect life, and that's not something that I want for you.
- Jaye Tyler: Well, I wouldn't worry about that.
- Karen Tyler: But I do worry. But that's just me being a mother. And as your mother, I don't care what those people think of you now, because in my heart, you will always be head cheerleader.
- Jaye Tyler: Oh. You're looking for the back door, aren't you?
- Karen Tyler: Is there one?
- Jaye Tyler: Right over there.
- Beth: It's okay if this is stressful for you, you know. It is for me, too.
- Sharon Tyler: It is?
- Beth: Yeah. This isn't easy for me. Up until quite recently, I was married and living with a man.
- Sharon Tyler: Of course. You're right, I'm sorry. I can relax. I promise.
- Beth: I mean, I can only imagine how much more stressful it would be if I were actually gay.
- Sharon Tyler: Aren't you?
- Beth: Not exclusively. I like men.
- Sharon Tyler: I'm not a man.
- Beth: Yeah, I noticed. Like, pretty specifically noticed.
- [trying to kiss]
- Beth: Is this gonna be an issue?
- Sharon Tyler: What? No, it's not an issue. It's a full subscription. No. You have... been with a woman before.
- Beth: Yeah. I was in a sorority.
- Sharon Tyler: So was I! I never got any!
- Beth: Have you ever had sex with a man?
- Sharon Tyler: Sex with a... God, no. No!
- Beth: Does it bother you?
- Sharon Tyler: That I never had sex...
- Beth: That I did?
- Sharon Tyler: Will you again?
- Beth: I don't know. You tell me.
- Darrin Tyler: [moving trash toters from the driveway] Can't believe they'd leave a mess like this.
- Muse: [to Jaye through a flamingo yard decoration] Get off your ass.
- Jaye Tyler: He's fine! You're fine, right?
- Darrin Tyler: Just a couple more. I'll manage.
- Jaye Tyler: See? He's managing.
- Muse: Just get off your ass.
- Jaye Tyler: I'm not listening.
- [she rolls the car window up, then sees more flamingo decorations outside the driver's side door]
- Jaye Tyler: The service industry is a noble profession. I don't want you comparing yourself unfairly to the achievements of your siblings.
- Jaye Tyler: [closing the door] Go away.
- [she accidentally bumps the gear shift, and the car starts rolling backward]
- Darrin Tyler: There are many ways to measure success, and you are not the... sweetheart, the car is rolling! The car is... ooh, ooh! Oh, God! Oww!
- Darrin Tyler: You know, I have to say, your sister really enjoyed her reunion.
- Jaye Tyler: Yeah, Sharon also enjoyed 4-H.
- [seeing a flamingo yard decoration move, she groans]
- Darrin Tyler: Hate to see you miss out. That's all.
- Jaye Tyler: Yeah. I'll just wear my smock from the store. It already has my name stitched into the vest. I won't even have to wear a sticker.
- Darrin Tyler: Don't denigrate what you do.
- Jaye Tyler: I sell plastic canoes and refrigerator magnets.
- Darrin Tyler: These came for you. "Can't wait. Save the date. Rooster class of '98."
- Jaye Tyler: Oh, God. More?
- Darrin Tyler: Maybe it's time you put in that change of address with the post office.
- Jaye Tyler: If I do that, these people will know where I live.
- Darrin Tyler: Lots of people live in trailer parks. There's no shame to it.
- Jaye Tyler: Who said I was ashamed?
- Darrin Tyler: Good! Then there's no reason for you to skip your ten-year reunion.
- Jaye Tyler: Right, because it's only been six and a half years. I don't miss these people yet, and I don't think that's a problem time can solve.
- Darrin Tyler: [looking out his car's rearview mirror] Those sons of biscuits.
- Jaye Tyler: I know, huh?
- [looking out the back window, they see the trash toters blocking the driveway]
- Jaye Tyler: Oh.
- Jaye Tyler: [accidentally putting her father in the hospital] How many fractures before it's multiple?
- Darrin Tyler: Two.
- Jaye Tyler: How many do you have?
- Darrin Tyler: Seven.
- Sharon Tyler: And people say you're an underachiever.
- Karen Tyler: This isn't a criticism. I'm just curious. How do you run someone down from the passenger seat?
- Sharon Tyler: [Jaye accidentally hit their dad with the car] Maybe she did it on purpose. Could be an attempt at getting an early inheritance.
- Karen Tyler: Your sister's not a cold-blooded murderer. She's never been a planner.
- Jaye Tyler: It was an accident!
- Karen Tyler: Of course it was, dear.
- Sharon Tyler: Technically, it was contributory negligence.
- Jaye Tyler: I feel really bad. Can we just pretend this didn't happen?
- Karen Tyler: That's what the morphine's for.
- Darrin Tyler: [finding their trash toters blocking the driveway] You have any idea how much those sanitation jokers make in a year?
- Jaye Tyler: A lot?
- Darrin Tyler: [going to move them] Enough to have a little pride in a job well done. This is just sloppy! There's no pride here.
- Jaye Tyler: It *is* garbage.