- Jack: Will, Will, Will, buy me a computer. I want one in tangerine to match the shoes you're going to get me later.
- Will: Jack, if I'm supposed to stay away from every guy you've ever slept with, that would leave me with... women.
- Will: [trying to explain why he dated Jack's ex-boyfriend] Jack, he wasn't your Walter at the time. Y'know, you had broken up long ago. Y'know, he was... he was Walter up for grabs, so I... I grabbed.
- Jack: [livid] How could you?
- Will: It was one time.
- Jack: Commandment Number One in the Gay Bible, 'Thou shalt not covet my ex's ass.'
- Will: Jack... is that from the Book of Genesissy?