- [President Bartlet walks through the halls talking with Charlie and occasionally wishing "Good morning" to various White House employees]
- President Josiah Bartlet: Listen, have I gotten any of the names right so far?
- Charlie Young: No sir, but you came damn close on a couple of them.
- President Josiah Bartlet: "We hold these truths to be self-evident," they said, "that all men are created equal." Strange as it may seem, that was the first time in history that anyone had ever bothered to write that down. Decisions are made by those who show up.
- President Josiah Bartlet: You come to the end of a long day, you sit back, you open a beer, you watch a sporting event; that's what men do.
- Charlie Young: They watch girls' softball?
- President Josiah Bartlet: When that's what's on, that's what they watch. It's that, or a cricket match between Scotland and Bermuda. Now, I'm an educated man, Charlie, but when someone tries to explain cricket to me, all I wanna do is hit him in the head with a teapot.
- Danny Concannon: CJ, I'm not staying in the penalty box forever. I have covered the White House for eight years and I've done it with the New York Times, the Washington Post, Time Magazine, and the Dallas Morning News! And I'm telling you you can't mess me around like this!
- Claudia Jean 'C.J.' Cregg: Danny, I gotta tell you, that was - seriously - that was a turn-on when you said that, though I don't know why you decided to be your most haughty on the Dallas Morning News in that sentence.
- President Josiah Bartlet: You're not going to spoil my good time for me.
- Mrs. Landingham: Oh, sir, I think we both know from experience that's not true.
- President Josiah Bartlet: Phil, if it ends up Fitzwallace has to call this kid's parents, I swear to God I'm invading Baghdad.
- Josh Lyman: Donna, did you get me a meeting with the Vice President?
- Donna Moss: I did, but you're not gonna be happy.
- Josh Lyman: Jogging?
- Donna Moss: Yes.
- Josh Lyman: We couldn't really, this time, just sit in chairs?
- Donna Moss: Jogging at 2:00. It's the only time he could fit you in.
- Josh Lyman: Okay, order me some boiled chicken and some pasta. Nothing like a meeting you have to carb up for.
- Percy Fitzwallace: The eagle... on the seal in the carpet. In one talon he's holding arrows and in the other an olive branch. Most of the time, the eagle is facing the olive branch, but when congress declares war, the eagle faces the arrows. How do they do that? Do you think they've got a second carpet sitting around in the basement someplace?
- President Josiah Bartlet: Now, I am an educated man, Charlie, but when somebody tries to explain Cricket to me, all I want to do is hit him in the head with a teapot.