- Samuel T. Evans: Aunt Em, I never realized the human body had two hundred bones until today when I cracked every one of 'em.
- Aunt Em: Did you pick any names for the horses, Sam?
- Samuel T. Evans: Yeah, I sure did. But none a lady can use.
- Storekeeper: This, of course, is a little more dressy, just the thing for those casual card games with the boys. And here you have a concealed pocket for that ace up your sleeve.
- Samuel T. Evans: Well, I wasn't planning to live dangerously.
- Samuel T. Evans: We're taking the printing press right along with us. My grandfather took the printing press out to Pennsylvania by covered wagon when that was just a wild country. Now Aunt Em and I plan on taking it to a new frontier.
- Major Seth Adams: You know a printing press is pretty heavy to haul on a wagon that distance. Maybe I better have a look at it for you.
- Samuel T. Evans: Oh, no, Major, we don't have to take up your time to do that. I called on some experts and they told me what to do with it.
- Major Seth Adams: Ah, the experts that have never been West.
- Aunt Em: Oh, Sam, why didn't you leave this at our campsite with the rest of our things?
- Samuel T. Evans: Aunt Em, I made eleven trips over there today.
- Samuel T. Evans: Are you afraid of the Major?
- Humphrey Pumphret: Yes, I am. He sees through to my essential inferiority.
- Flint McCullough: [Flint rides up on his Apooloosa horse, Stormy Night] Do you need any help, Mr Evans?
- Samuel T. Evans: No, thank you. We've come to a perfect understanding. They don't like and I don't like them.
- Flint McCullough: That doesn't sound like an understanding, sounds more like an impasse.
- Major Seth Adams: Hey, Evans, what are you fixing to do? Put those horses in a circus?
- Bill Hawks: [after the laughing Major has ridden off] Hey Evans, what're you doing? Hooking up a chariot or a wagon?
- Ronnie Pumphret: His horse bit him.
- Samuel T. Evans: Bit him. Did you say it bit him?
- [He laughs]
- Ronnie Pumphret: Sure. He's sitting in a bucket of water too. That's a terrible place to get bit.
- Humphrey Pumphret: Speaking strictly from an unprejudiced point of view, a girl like Melanie doesn't come along every day, does she?
- Samuel T. Evans: No, no, Sir, she doesn't. A girl like Melanie only comes along once in a lifetime.
- Ronnie Pumphret, Samuel T. Evans: You don't know how to put the tongue on the wagon, do you?
- Ronnie Pumphret, Humphrey Pumphret: Go bother someone else, Ronnie. Poppa's busy.
- Ronnie Pumphret: It's gonna rain. Major Adams says it's gonna start at four o'clock.
- Samuel T. Evans: Well, if that's the case, we'd better have someone tell us what to do here with this wagon tongue.
- Humphrey Pumphret: If only I could remember about that double tree.
- Ronnie Pumphret: The double tree's connected to the double tree hammock to the tongue, and the tongue is connected to the hounds by the free pin and the hounds are connected by the front axle by the...
- Samuel T. Evans: The what?
- Ronnie Pumphret: Kingpin.
- Samuel T. Evans: That's it. That's it. Ronnie, you're wonderful.
- Ronnie Pumphret: I snooped.
- Humphrey Pumphret: Poppa's clever little boy.
- Samuel T. Evans: Are you sure it's cholera?
- Flint McCullough: No, but we've got to have a healthy respect for the systems.
- Flint McCullough: And Sam, don't forget, wagon number 2 to the left.
- Samuel T. Evans: I won't forget. How could I forget those scars.
- Flint McCullough: See you on the trail. Goodnight, Auntie Em.
- Aunt Em: Goodnight. Oh, I'm getting real fond of that boy. If I'd met him 20 years ago, HI HO.
- Aunt Em: And I always thought you had all the self-confidence in the world.
- Samuel T. Evans: Well, this frontier life has taken the starch out of me.
- Aunt Em: Oh, Sam, don't you know that a man is never more appealing to a woman than when he needs taking care of.
- Major Seth Adams: There's always a challenge to come, over the next hill, 'round the next bend. Some new trial, some unexpected adversity.
- Major Seth Adams: This is St Louis. To many people it's the gateway to the West. They crowd in here by train, by train, by steamboat. Thet are here to embark on the adventure of their lives. They're in search of a future, the golden future of the West. They're tall, they're short. They're fat and they're thin. But the first few weeks they're with us, they all have one thing in common, they're all Greenhorns. There's always one that stands out from the rest, one whose face you'll remember, no matter how many you forget.
- Flint McCullough: And here at Fort Laramie you'll see more deer than you've ever seen in your life. This the land of the Sioux Indian, the Seven Council fires, sometimes calle dthe Seven Tribes. Right now we're at peace with the Sioux. And for us that's good. Then come the Rockies, and after the Rockies you roll into the burning silence of Nevada. Then onto the Sierras and onto California. It's not an easy trip journey, but it's an exciting one. This country's wild and I think that you'll like it. At least I do.
- Flint McCullough: You know, Auntie Em, there's a saying among frontier people, well, they say, there's a God out yonder.Maybe that's a strangeway to say it. If you've spent most of your life in the wilderness like I have, you know what they mean. And you know why they say it. And why they have to believe it.
- Aunt Em: There's God out yonder. Oh, I hope so
- [Flint wraps an arm around her for comfort]