The Vicar of Dibley (TV Series)

The Window & the Weather (1994)

Gary Waldhorn: David Horton

Quotes 

• Geraldine Granger : I want our church to be a *church*, not an enormous church-shaped begging bowl.

  David Horton : Yes, and I want Princess Anne to knock on my door and say, "I have dumped that ugly berk Tim Laurence; I'm all yours, big boy." But it's not going to happen, is it?

• David Horton : I *love* this kind of weather. Do you remember The Great Snow?

  Owen Newitt : Oh yes. Froze your balls off.

  Letitia Cropley : Poor old Gladys.

  Jim Trott : What about her?

  Letitia Cropley : Well, she died, didn't she? In The Great Snow. Froze to death one Friday.

  Jim Trott : No no no no, that was The Great Frost. I-It w-were the Bottle twins, Mabel and Edith, that froze to death in The Great Snow of '54.

  Owen Newitt : Rubbish. The Bottles died in The Great Freeze of '48.

  David Horton : And I'm about to die in The Great Bore of '94.

  [a thunderclap. The lights go out] 

  Frank Pickle : How exciting! It's just like The Great Eclipse of '53.

  David Horton : Shut up!

• David Horton : First on the agenda, we've been asked to make a contribution to the South American earthquake appeal. I thought perhaps £10.

  Owen Newitt : Oh, it's not much, is it? Hundreds of kiddies dying of starvation and we can only spare a tenner.

  David Horton : What did you have in mind?

  Owen Newitt : Well, I don't know... 11 quid?

  David Horton : Done.

• David Horton : Sadly, you must minute that Dibley can't afford a new window.

  Geraldine Granger : Stop writing, Frank. "Can't" isn't in the Christian vocabulary.

  Owen Newitt : Yes it is! You can't commit adultery, you cant steal...

  Jim Trott : No no no and you can't even covet your neighbor's ass, even if it is very alluring.

• Daniel Frobisher : [at the unveiling of the new window]  What do you think of it, David?

  David Horton : Very beautiful. I've always thought it to be the finest view in the village. Good decision.

  Owen Newitt : Bloody marvelous. I mean, when it comes to it, you can't beat God's own creation, can you?