The Vicar of Dibley (TV Series)

Songs of Praise (1994)

Dawn French: Geraldine Granger

Photos 

Quotes 

• [post credits] 

  Geraldine Granger : So, two nuns driving down the road in Transylvania.

  Alice Tinker : Oooh.

  Geraldine Granger : Yeah, and all of a sudden a great big scary vampire jumps out right in front of the car.

  Alice Tinker : Oh no.

  Geraldine Granger : Yeah. So one nun says to the other, "Show him your cross." So she winds down her window and leans out and says, "Get out of the way you toothy git!"

  [starts to laugh] 

  Alice Tinker : Oh, I misunderstood that because I thought she meant show him your crucifix; whereas, in fact she meant show him you're really, really angry.

  Geraldine Granger : Yeah, it is quite a confusing story, yeah.

  Alice Tinker : I'm stupid.

  Geraldine Granger : No, you're not stupid at all.

  Alice Tinker : Oh, it's funny, eh.

  [starts giggling] 

• [last lines] 

  Alice Tinker : [on TV show]  The lesson is taken from the sixth chapter of the Song of Solomon, beginning at the second verse.

  Alice Tinker : [reading from the newly presented Bible]  Ye are the fault of the earth and fainted... sainted. God shall feel... seal your endeavours until ye fit on his right hand. Therefore fight the good fight, for his... fake, and he shall be thy fu...

  Geraldine Granger : *Succour!* He shall be thy succour.

  Alice Tinker : ...thy succour.

  Geraldine Granger : [watching the show]  You see, nobody would have noticed. Would they, David?

  David Horton : No! No, of course not, not if they were watching the other side.

• Gonads : I'm very big in the gonads.

  Geraldine Granger : Yes, I don't doubt that for a minute. Is that important for singing?

  Gonads : The Great Ottley and Netterton Amateur Dramatic Society: Character Tenor.

  Cecil : What have you got for us?

  Gonads : [sings]  You fill up my senses...

• [first lines] 

  Owen Newitt : As long as you wear plastic gloves up to your shoulder, so you can put your arm right up her.

  David Horton : And I think that is that for today, except of course for any other business. Any other business?

  [pause] 

  David Horton : Hugo?

  Hugo Horton : Yup?

  David Horton : Any other business?

  Hugo Horton : Oh, uh... yes, um, I would like to record the council's gratitude for the completely anonymous gift of this wonderful new Bible.

  [murmurs of agreement from the others] 

  David Horton : I think you might add 'extraordinarily generous'.

  Geraldine Granger : Mmm... and delete 'completely anonymous'.

• Geraldine Granger : Well, we'd better get started. No time like the present.

  Cecil : Except the past. I rather enjoyed that.

  Geraldine Granger : Yes it was fun, wasn't it?

• Geraldine Granger : You always think people at the BBC are going to be glamorous, and then you remember Nicholas Witchell works there.

  David Horton : Besides which, most of them are so homosexual they make John Inman look like Jean-Claude Van Damme.

• Geraldine Granger : [to herself in the mirror]  Just one little kiss.

• Cecil : [listening to Owen's glorious rendition of "Jesu Joy of Man's Desiring"]  He's like a young Pavarotti.

  Geraldine Granger : Thinner...

  Owen Newitt : And I've got more sheep!

• Tristan Campbell : I like our viewers to get a glimpse of the woman underneath the cassock.

  Geraldine Granger : I assume you're talking spiritually?

  Tristan Campbell : Yes, I'm talking spiritually.

  Geraldine Granger : [Embarrassed, to herself]  What else could he have meant? "I want to get a close-up of your pants"?

• Geraldine Granger : Tristan! Hi, it's Geraldine. Oh, you remember. Yeah, well what say you we meet up after Evensong, Mr. Producer, and reminisce?

  Alice Tinker : Oh, you've forgotten to pick up the phone.

  Geraldine Granger : I know! I know! I know!