The Vicar of Dibley (TV Series)

Celebrity Vicar (1998)

Emma Chambers: Alice Tinker

Photos 

Quotes 

• [post credits] 

  Geraldine Granger : So, what do you call a budgie that's been run over by a lawnmower?

  Alice Tinker : I don't know; what *do* you call a budgie that's been run over by a lawnmower?

  Geraldine Granger : Shredded tweet.

  Alice Tinker : So the budgie's dead, then?

  Geraldine Granger : Yes, I should think so.

  [laughing] 

  Geraldine Granger : It's shredded tweet.

  Alice Tinker : Poor little thing. It didn't even see the lawnmower coming. How could it know that death was just round the corner?

  Geraldine Granger : Alice, look, I'm not going to tell you these jokes any more if you're going to keep on responding like this. It's not a real budgie, OK? It's not a real lawnmower; it's just a joke.

  Alice Tinker : So the budgie's not dead?

  Geraldine Granger : No, it never got born.

  Alice Tinker : Never got born?

  Geraldine Granger : No.

  Alice Tinker : Poor little thing. Oh, so much beauty. So much potential; it never got born. Never saw the light of the sun, or felt the gentle rustling of the breeze through its feathers. Never went "tweekle, tweekle, tweekle, give me my Cottle Fizz."

  Geraldine Granger : Get out now. Go on, get out!

• [last lines] 

  Geraldine Granger : Why would anyone be stupid enough to want fame and fortune when you can have the stars at night and a proper friend by your side?

  Alice Tinker : Oh, nice.