- [first lines]
- Barbara Caufield: [re the somberly-dressed girl] Who's Little Miss Queen of Darkness?
- Tiffany Malloy: Gothic Girl? She's new.
- Barbara Caufield: Hasn't that gone completely out of style, like, *last year?*
- Tiffany Malloy: Oh, TV is always at least a year behind.
- Barbara Caufield: Let's go over and be cruel to her by rubbing her weirdo loneliness in her face.
- Tiffany Malloy: [laughs] No. No, this is not The Craft. Let's go over there and *make* friends. Everyone knows you can't have too many friends.
- Barbara Caufield: Or too many Filipino houseboys.
- Tiffany Malloy: [goes over to the newcomer] Hi. We noticed that you dress all in black. Hey, is that meant to symbolize something? Are you, like, the Duchess of Death?
- Caitlin Blackpoole: I dress in black 'cause my life is short and brutish, cut off by the grim abyss of death.
- Tiffany Malloy: You know,
- [shakes her head]
- Tiffany Malloy: I've already got enough friends.
- [walks away]
- Ryan Malloy: Hey! A new girl!
- [hops onto couch next to Caitlin]
- Ryan Malloy: What are you into, sweetheart?
- Caitlin Blackpoole: Darkness. Death. Nothingness.
- Ryan Malloy: Well, you're in luck, baby. To find a bigger nothing around here, you gotta stoop. Are you seeing anybody or what?
- Caitlin Blackpoole: Satan.
- Ryan Malloy: Well, he can have your immortal soul. I'll take those all too mortal *melons.*
- Caitlin Blackpoole: [with utmost contempt] You couldn't carry the Dark Lord's jock! I gotta get out of here. It's eleven o'clock. The Magic hour.
- Tiffany Malloy: You do magic at eleven o'clock?
- Caitlin Blackpoole: No, I watch the Magic Johnson Show.
- [rises, goes on her way]
- Tiffany Malloy: Hey, if you wanna ride with us, we're gonna go by the graveyard.
- Caitlin Blackpoole: Cool!
- Barbara Caufield: Hey, you guys, go on. I'm just gonna hang out here and do some studying.
- Tiffany Malloy: You sure you'll be all right?
- Barbara Caufield: Please! I'm an attractive coed alone late at night in the student union. What could go wrong?
- [which leaves lots and lots of speculation]
- Ryan Malloy: [to Caitlin] Aw, come on... you gotta give me a chance. Just... tell Satan you're washing your hair. I mean, he's too busy mating with Kathie Lee Gifford anyway.
- [all too no avail]