Nikki Cox: Tiffany Malloy

Quotes 

• [first lines] 

  Ryan Malloy : Hey, sis! Smell anything different about me?

  Tiffany Malloy : Yes. I'd say you were past your expiration date.

  Ryan Malloy : This scent is pure gold. I switched towels with Joey the Hound. Yeah, he scores with all the babes, so I took his towel and I rubbed it all over me.

  Tiffany Malloy : That's a good start. Add some soap and a little water, and you've got what we humans call a shower.

  Ryan Malloy : Wait, I'm wasting my scent on you. Watch my magic work.

  [goes over to blonde target and drapes himself over couch behind her] 

  Ryan Malloy : Hello, baby!

  Muffy : Joey?

  [turns around] 

  Muffy : You're not Joey! You used Joey's towel!

  Ryan Malloy : So, you wanna go out with me, Muffy?

  Muffy : No.

  [takes another whiff] 

  Muffy : Yeah.

  [realizes she's being deluded] 

  Muffy : Never! I hate you!

  [can't help herself, takes another whiff] 

  Muffy : I love you!

  [jumps up in panic] 

  Muffy : I gotta go!

  Ryan Malloy : [to Tiffany]  Can you imagine what I'd get if I rubbed his underwear on me?

  Tiffany Malloy : Crabs.

• Tiffany Malloy : Ryan, when are you gonna learn that girls just want you to be yourself?

  Ryan Malloy : Yeah, that - that works great for me.

  [mocks his prowess:] 

  Ryan Malloy : "Please, girls, please, leave me alone, leave me alone!"

• Ryan Malloy : That's Mindy. She's a star on the girls' basketball team. This is no time for subtlety. I'd better let her know I'm interested.

  [grabs couch's armrest and starts wiggling his hind end around] 

  Tiffany Malloy : Don't *ever* do that at the zoo! Oh, my God, she's getting up! She's coming over!

  Mindy : Hiya, Sweet Cheeks!

  Tiffany Malloy : [laughs]  Hey, look, I'm really very flattered, but I'm not *that way.* I play on the other team.

  Mindy : Me too! I, uh, meant him. Unless you two are a couple.

  Tiffany Malloy : God, no! No! Never. That's a whole other team.

  Mindy : [to Ryan]  Would you like to go for ice-cream?

  Ryan Malloy : [elated]  Would I? You buying?

  Mindy : Yeah.

  Ryan Malloy : All right. Well, since you're buying, maybe I should do something for you.

  [with a little mincing walk, he's on his way, and she's in thrall] 

  Tiffany Malloy : [to the viewer]  You know, it is unbelievable.

  [with laughter in her voice:] 

  Tiffany Malloy : What could anybody see in a wiggle?

  [walks away with the Queen of all wiggles, which causes several male students to keel over like bowling pins]