Geoff Pierson: Jack Malloy

Quotes 

• Jack Malloy : [coming down to the basement]  Floppy... what are you watching on TV?

  Mr. Floppy : Rosie O'Donnell is a special guest on Oprah.

  [they both peer at the set] 

  Mr. Floppy : Either that, or it's Sumo wrestling.

  Jack Malloy : Floppy, I've got a problem.

  Mr. Floppy : You mean, beyond the fact that you talk to a stuffed animal that nobody else can hear? You're lucky to have me, Jack, I could be like those other alter egos that go "Kill! Kill!"

  Jack Malloy : Hey, if you're not doing it, then who is?

• Jack Malloy : Floppy, it's here! The new fall premiere issue of TV Digest introducing all the new shows.

  [inhales the scent of the print, then offers it to Floppy] 

  Jack Malloy : Smell it. Can't you just smell the failure?

  Mr. Floppy : Mm, yes! I believe I smell Brooke Shields going down in flames!

  [laughs] 

  Mr. Floppy : Let's face it, Jack, television has been going downhill for years now. The only nights worth turning on the tube are Sundays, Mondays and Wednesdays when that sweet new network, the WB, is on. Now that's a little network that *tries.* You *have* to root for them.

• Jack Malloy : Hey, listen, Floppy, now that we're in such a good mood, let's play a little game. Let's pretend that the whole world has been blown up and you're the only survivor on a deserted island. What five girls do you bring along?

  Mr. Floppy : Do they have to be over eighteen?

  Jack Malloy : In my game, yes.

  Mr. Floppy : Well, then after this game, I have another game. Okay, of course we have to have Dru Barrymore... but! Bring a razor, baby, I've been hearing bad things about your pits.

  Jack Malloy : Cindy Crawford.

  Mr. Floppy : No! She's banging with a Baldwin. And not even Alec.

  Jack Malloy : Only in a movie.

  Mr. Floppy : Doesn't matter. She reeks of a lesser Baldwin.

  Jack Malloy : Cindy!

  Mr. Floppy : No Cindy!

  Jack Malloy : Cindy!

  Mr. Floppy : No Cindy!

  Jack Malloy : Guess we'll just have to agree to disagree then. I guess we're maybe just a little bit... different.