- Mr. Floppy: Jack, in Ryan's honor, let's sing the Priddy High fight song in support of those Fighting Indians.
- [chanting:]
- Mr. Floppy: Scalp 'em, burn 'em, spit 'em in the eye, we'll all lick it up, we're Priddy High, go-oo-oo Injuns!
- [proudly:]
- Mr. Floppy: Now that's a fighting song!
- Jack Malloy: Yeah, well, they had to make a few minor changes to keep in line with their new politically-correct times.
- [punching air, chanting:]
- Jack Malloy: Love 'em, hug 'em, give 'em apple pie, no matter what color we are, look 'em in the eye, and say we're all the same, it's what's under the skin that counts,
- [pious gesture]
- Jack Malloy: we're all humans, even the animals, we hope we haven't offended anyone, save the dolphins, save the whales, save your cans and bottles for recycling, g-oo-oo Native Americans!
- Mr. Floppy: That's a fight song? What has happened to our country? It's a sad day when you can't hate in America anymore.
- Tiffany Malloy: Ryan, I know why they call you Toilet Boy Malloy.
- Ryan Malloy: Whiz Kid. It's Whiz Kid, okay? And if you don't have any respect for the person, then have it for the office.
- Tiffany Malloy: I just know how you feel. I mean, everybody's cheering for you, and you don't do a damn thing.
- Ryan Malloy: Yeah, right. You try it. It's not all glamor, baby! I mean, us guys, we stand to do what I do. We don't get to sit down all day like you girls. I mean, it used to be fun. But now, it's work, dammit! But it's worth it, I mean, I get a team jacket with the school colors and I'm a king.
- Tiffany Malloy: But what about your memories? Ryan, I may be...
- [clears throat]
- Tiffany Malloy: just a girl...
- [to herself:]
- Tiffany Malloy: Gmph! Yeah, and a Bentley's just a car...!
- [to Ryan again:]
- Tiffany Malloy: But if it was me, I'd wanna get in there for one game, one play, to have at least one memory of glory.
- Ryan Malloy: Yeah, fame sure is fleeting. I mean, you get a little blood in your urine, and nobody wants you anymore. You know, this is all your fault.
- Tiffany Malloy: Hmm. I know.
- [guffaws]
- Tiffany Malloy: But the important thing, aside from me being the favorite child again, is that you have your memory. Your moment of glory. And a prostate the size of a watermelon. But, I got the ball,
- [she produces the game ball]
- Tiffany Malloy: here you go, the team wanted you to have it.
- Ryan Malloy: Yeah, I can show it to my children.
- Tiffany Malloy: Oh, didn't you hear the doctors? You can't have children.
- Ryan Malloy: Dad says that's a good thing.
- Tiffany Malloy: [wearing short dress] I need a double dose of self-esteem. I'm going to the library, by way of the construction site.
- Mr. Floppy: [last lines, reading fan mail] Dear Mr. Floppy, I'd really like to know, blah, blah-blah, blah-blah, blah-blahhh!
- [addressing viewer]
- Mr. Floppy: Do you really want to hear another of these letters? I don't! I bet you'd rather know where you could buy a cute little Mr. Floppy doll. Well, you can't! They don't make 'em! So, kids, write to Touchstone Corporation and tell them that you want your Mr. Floppy doll now! And, Drew Barrymore, if you're listening, you can have the real thing! Rrrr-woof!
- Tiffany Malloy: So, what did Beau wanna know about me?
- Ryan Malloy: He wanted to know if you are as shallow and self-centered as you appear.
- Tiffany Malloy: Well, why didn't he just ask me?
- Tiffany Malloy: Ryan, I may be just a girl...
- [to herself:]
- Tiffany Malloy: Gmph, yeah, and a Bentley's just a car.