Kevin Connolly: Ryan Malloy

Quotes 

• [first lines] 

  Barbara Kaufman : [in the library, Ryan sits down next to her, pretending not to be looking at her]  What *are* you doing?

  Ryan Malloy : Trying a new thing. I'm ignoring you. Read somewhere that will make you want me.

  Barbara Kaufman : I wouldn't want you even if I were Kevin Costner and you were a good script. Now give me a buck, I want a soda.

  Ryan Malloy : We're not dating, why should I give you money?

  Barbara Kaufman : You've been looking at my legs for about a buck.

  Ryan Malloy : [about to hand over]  You got change for a five?

  [Barbara uncrosses her legs, shifts her position, giving him an off-camera Sharon Stone flash as she crosses her legs again, then rises, walks away] 

  Ryan Malloy : Thank you!

• Ryan Malloy : So, who's the new guy?

  Tiffany Malloy : Oh, his name is Billy, and we are *so* in love.

  Ryan Malloy : Love. Love is for girls! *Porn* is for guys! And, uh, beer is what brings the two of them together!

  Tiffany Malloy : [mobile phone rings]  Hello? Oh. Oh, I miss you too! Okay. Till then. Bye.

  [imitates kiss, puts away phone] 

  Tiffany Malloy : That was Billy. He called to make sure I made it safely across the room.

  [Billy stands waving] 

  Ryan Malloy : Oh, I get it. He's gay!

  Tiffany Malloy : He is *not* gay.

  Ryan Malloy : Oh, come on! He holds your hand, and not only does he have a cellphone, but he uses it to call you from across the room! Gay!

  Tiffany Malloy : Not gay, okay? Just acting gay 'cause he's in love with me. That's what straight guys do when they fall in love. They act all gay. And I really think I might be in love with him too. Ryan, I think this might be the guy. I think the time has come for me to lose my virginity.

  Ryan Malloy : Yum-ping yimminy!

  [to the viewers:] 

  Ryan Malloy : I don't know, you think anyone will stay tuned?

  [Tiffany nods emphatically]