Wendy Benson-Landes: Barbara Kaufman

Quotes 

• [first lines] 

  Barbara Kaufman : [in the library, Ryan sits down next to her, pretending not to be looking at her]  What *are* you doing?

  Ryan Malloy : Trying a new thing. I'm ignoring you. Read somewhere that will make you want me.

  Barbara Kaufman : I wouldn't want you even if I were Kevin Costner and you were a good script. Now give me a buck, I want a soda.

  Ryan Malloy : We're not dating, why should I give you money?

  Barbara Kaufman : You've been looking at my legs for about a buck.

  Ryan Malloy : [about to hand over]  You got change for a five?

  [Barbara uncrosses her legs, shifts her position, giving him an off-camera Sharon Stone flash as she crosses her legs again, then rises, walks away] 

  Ryan Malloy : Thank you!

• Barbara Kaufman : [to Ryan, as she strokes his hair]  The things I'd do to you if you weren't you.

• Barbara Kaufman : Trust me. Touch Celibate Boy and he'll be begging like a Spice Girl in two years.

  Tiffany Malloy : You know what? You're right! Why should I respect his wishes? A guy can't learn too young that what he wants doesn't mean a damn thing! I'll touch him and I will have him!