Kevin Connolly: Ryan Malloy

Quotes 

• [first lines] 

  Tiffany Malloy : Hey. Is Ross home from school yet?

  Ryan Malloy : Is the world gonna end in the year 2000? The answer to both questions is "Who cares?"

  Tiffany Malloy : Today is a big day for the Rosster. He's taking his IQ test. Oh, I'm so excited for him. I remember the day I took mine. Two newly-sharpened Number 2 pencils *as* recommended by the Educational Testing Service.

  Ryan Malloy : I just went in with a gold crayon. Yeah, me and Joey The Drooler DeBono were the first ones to finish. Oh, how we laughed at the other kids as we rushed out into the traffic. Joey would have been twenty today.

  [buries his face in his hands] 

• Ross Malloy : A 100? I might as well face it. Seems I'm average after all.

  Tiffany Malloy : We failed as parents.

  Ryan Malloy : Let's sell him to a couple of show-business lesbians and buy a Whirlpool.