Unhappily Ever After (TV Series)

Pilot (1995)

Geoff Pierson: Jack Malloy

Photos 

Quotes 

• Mr. Floppy : [his first words]  Jack, you're a loser.

  Jack Malloy : Huh?

  Mr. Floppy : I said a loser. What part of that didn't you understand?

  [long pause] 

  Jack Malloy : So, you're talking, Mr. Floppy?

  [Mr. Floppy nods] 

  Jack Malloy : Gee, it didn't take me long to lose my mind. Now, did it?

• Ryan Malloy : Hey, Dad. Where you been?

  Jack Malloy : Your Mom kicked me out two weeks ago.

  Ryan Malloy : No kidding? Oh well, see ya.

  [going off without a care] 

  Tiffany Malloy : Hi, Dad.

  Jack Malloy : Hi, baby. Uh, you knew I was gone, did you?

  Tiffany Malloy : Daddy, I'm so self-absorbed I didn't even know you were here now.

• Jack Malloy : [re Jennie not returning his leather jacket]  If I took something of yours, I'd give it back.

  Jennie Malloy : What about my virginity?

  Jack Malloy : Check with somebody else, baby.

• Mr. Floppy : God, you're one deluded schizophrenic! You want some advice? Run! Change your name, move to the Ozarks, sell used sheep, have a daughter and marry her. The important part is: Run!

  [nods sagely] 

  Jack Malloy : I never ran from anything in my life. Except for cops and really big guys. But never from responsibility. Except that girl who thought she was pregnant. I wonder whatever happened to her?

  [smiles] 

  Jack Malloy : Anyway, I'm not running now! I'm gonna stay here and take care of my wife and kids.

  Mr. Floppy : Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah! Save your cheap sentiments for Full House! Your wife's a shrew, and if you think your kids love you... They don't! Believe me, I was there.

  Jack Malloy : You know, there's a nice big can down by the bus stop. It says "Toys for Honduras." How'd you like to wake up there?

  Mr. Floppy : Do it if you've got the guts!

  [growls menacingly] 

  Jack Malloy : [sighs]  Yeah, maybe this divorce was my fault. I can't even get along with a stuffed bunny.