- Tiffany Malloy: [in the cafeteria, to Amber] Did you see that? That guy didn't even look at me!
- [smirks]
- Tiffany Malloy: The nerve! I don't dress like this to be ignored. The jerk!
- Mr. Floppy: Smarter than the Cookie Monster, sexier than Alf, a better ride than Mr. Ed... and I don't have to put out to get work like that trollop Lambchop.
- Jack Malloy: [reading letter] What the hell is this? This must be a mistake. It's a notice from the postmaster that I'm under investigation for sending obscene mail to Pamela Anderson.
- [Floppy looks guilty]
- Jack Malloy: Mr. Floppy! *What did you do?*
- Mr. Floppy: Jack, it's Valentine's Day! I sent her a little note.
- Jack Malloy: Yeah? She sent back a restraining order. You can't go within five hundred feet of her, it says. What kind of a note did you send?
- Mr. Floppy: It was a touching little Valentine, something that said "I love you" in my touching little bunny way.
- Jack Malloy: Well, here's a copy of it. "Dear Pamela, oh ye of the Baywatch big 'uns."
- [Floppy squirms]
- Jack Malloy: 'I'd like to put my furry little face between your golden mounds... and live there forever in happiness and tranquility. Tweak, tweak, honk, honk! Love, Floppy. From the desk of Jack Malloy, Joe's Used Cars." Oh, no!
- [gets up]
- Jack Malloy: Why are you so obsessed with these... these superwomen who you can never have?
- Mr. Floppy: When I go out to eat, I don't want a salad. I want steak! And when I goes looking for a woman, I want *prime beef!*
- Tiffany Malloy: My God, those old people are angry. What did they do, cancel a Rolling Stones concert or something?
- Jennie Malloy: Honey, the Rolling Stones aren't old. They're only fifty.
- [as that sinks in:]
- Jennie Malloy: Oh, my God!
- Tiffany Malloy: [re the boy ignoring her] I can't seem to get his attention in a normal way. You know, by just standing there.
- Tiffany Malloy: I don't even wanna hear about the stupid dance.
- Amber Moss: [gushing] The dance is gonna be great! I'm going with Bobby. His father's a cop, so we don't have to worry about driving drunk.
- Barry: I'm taking a girl, you know. For my parents. They don't know.
- Tiffany Malloy: He's so dark and brooding, just like James Dean.
- Amber Moss, Barry: Who?
- Tiffany Malloy: Early Dylan on 90210.
- Amber Moss, Barry: Oh!
- Jennie Malloy: [to Tiffany] Why don't you eat something and get fat? Try ice cream. It goes straight for your thighs and butt. Just like a man.
- Tiffany Malloy: [as loverboy Danny arrives, shooing off Ross] Go play chicken with a bus!
- Ross Malloy: [to Danny] Hey! Don't break her heart. Because I drink. And have a gun.
- Mr. Floppy: [berated by Jack for signing obscene letter with his work address] How would Pamela Anderson find you without the address? She's not exactly a genius, you know.