Bobcat Goldthwait: Mr. Floppy

Quotes 

• Mr. Floppy : What's wrong with you?

  Jack Malloy : Aw, the kids changed my radio stations, Floppy. Well, some days I just hate having kids. But I love beer.

  [cherishes his frosty] 

  Jack Malloy : Yup, my old friend beer. Beer doesn't change your radio stations. Beer doesn't wanna... borrow your car. Beer doesn't cause your wife to lose her figure. Wait a second, yes, it does.

  Mr. Floppy : It sponsors those cool Rolling Stones concerts. I guess even beer can make a mistake. I can name three other mistakes beer made. They're called Ryan, Tiffany and Ross!

  Jack Malloy : That's where you're wrong, Mister! Ross was vodka. Don't call my kids mistakes! Except for Ryan, of course. Why am I even talking to you? You don't know anything about kids.

  Mr. Floppy : No, I don't. I've just been mauled by thousands of them. I'm a toy, remember? Kids were touching me all over. They hauled me out of the bed. They peed on me, Jack! And wiped their snotty noses all over me. Then they'd throw me back in, spittle hanging from my ears, gumming up my fur. Soaked to my seams in pressed milk and bile! Once you picked me up to give to your kid, I was so disease-ridden, I was surprised any of you survived. It was no coincidence that Ryan got smallpox, by the way. I thought you were gonna Velveteen Rabbit me after that! By the way, if Velveteen Rabbit stayed with that kid through the whole disease, single-handedly pulled him through the whole disease, and they burn him at the stake for it... What a hero. He's the Joan of Arc to my people. Don't tell me I don't know kids, I slept with more kids than Michael Jackson!