Kevin Connolly: Ryan Malloy

Quotes 

• [first lines] 

  Ryan Malloy : Gee, I've never talked to a guidance counselor before. So, what do you think I should do to prepare for my future?

  Ms. Blake, Guidance Counselor : Well, why don't you get a stick with a nail at the end? That way you won't have to bend over when you pick up the garbage.

  Ryan Malloy : Which end does the nail go? And is it true that I need a really long nail so it comes out the other end? And... is the moon really a cheesy balloon?

  Ms. Blake, Guidance Counselor : Oh, so you're interested in science? Goo-ood! Well, maybe you'd be interested in an exciting career as a lab rat! There are always new chemicals to be tested. Shampoos don't start at *no tears.* And there are always diseases that have to be tested on... something!

  [widens her eyes] 

  Ryan Malloy : You mean you can get paid for that?

  Ms. Blake, Guidance Counselor : Oh, yeah, and they have an *excellent* retirement program!