Geoff Pierson: Jack Malloy

Quotes 

• Tiffany Malloy : It's not what it looks like, Mom, I'm not involved with any of these boys. I'm just... doing it for the money.

  Jack Malloy : [covers his ears]  Baby virgin, baby virgin, baby virgin...!

  Jennie Malloy : Jack, calm down!

  Jack Malloy : ...baby virgin!

  Jennie Malloy : She's not dead, just *ruined!*

  Jack Malloy : Angel, who are these men? What are their names and where do they live? I, uh... I have a gun I bought in South Carolina. It's not registered. I got it the day you were born just for something like this!

• Tiffany Malloy : [as Jack tries to bribe the Dean]  Daddy, I'm already in.

  Jack Malloy : I know, I'm just gonna close it for you. You can thank me later.

  [to the Dean:] 

  Jack Malloy : I, uh... I happen to be in the car game, and I can get you a great deal on a purple Gremlin with very low mileage, driven lovingly by an unsuccessful pimp, dashboard fur is like new. I'd give you Blue Book on your trade-in. What do you drive?

  Harvard University Dean : A '96 Mercedes SL 500.

  Jack Malloy : Jiminy Christmas!

  [laughs] 

  Jack Malloy : I take my five back! Listen, I can see that you're a successful businessman, but I'm sure you can appreciate my daughter's entrepreneurial spirit. Why, did you know...

  Tiffany Malloy : [quickly]  No, he doesn't, Daddy, that's what...

  Jack Malloy : ...that she earned money for college by having her picture taken with assorted geeks and gorks who couldn't get a girl if they... well, if they had your car?

  [picks up the framed photograph on the Dean's desk] 

  Jack Malloy : Oh, I see she brought a sample of her work.

  [looks at picture of Dean's son with Tiffany] 

  Jack Malloy : Wow, will you look at this guy, huh? How she can stand there smiling next to something like *that* I will never know.

  [compares to Dean's face] 

  Jack Malloy : Oh, there's a bit of a resemblance. Take away the hair, and...

  [the Dean is not amused] 

  Jack Malloy : Uh-oh! I guess I'll just give you that five back!

  Harvard University Dean : Young lady, you are *not* Princeton material.

  Tiffany Malloy : Why not? You took Brooke Shields, for Pete's sake. What I did was no lower than Blue Lagoon!

• Jack Malloy : Now, Tiffany, how did you come to this sorry end? When exactly did my poor little angel go bad?

  Tiffany Malloy : Well, I wanted to get into Princeton so much I was willing to do almost anything.

  Jennie Malloy : That's how you get into show business, honey, not college.

  Jack Malloy : Then where's your star on Hollywood Boulevard?