Two and a Half Men (TV Series)

Sarah Like Puny Alan (2004)

Jon Cryer: Alan Harper

Photos 

Quotes 

• Alan Harper : [Alan has a bad case of the flu, Charlie wants to tell him some 'great news']  There is no great news, there is no light at the end of the tunnel, there is no silver lining. There's just this hell on earth, and the slow wait for the sweet release of death.

• Alan : [looks at a picture of the pretty actress that will be his date]  That her?

  Alan : [blows his nose]  I'm cured!

• Alan Harper : [Charlie wants Alan to go on a double date]  Alright. Even if I weren't deathly ill, which I am, I wouldn't go on a blind double-date with *you*.

  Charlie Harper : Why not?

  Alan Harper : Summer of my junior year? The Seals & Crofts concert? You got the incredible cheerleader and I got her sister... the Incredible Hulk!

  Charlie Harper : Oh, yeah. She really took a shine to you.

  Alan Harper : [imitating his date]  "Sarah like puny Alan".

• Charlie Harper : Alan, trust me. I've seen the sister. Her name is Desiree.

  Alan Harper : I don't care what her name is!

  Charlie Harper : Desiree, Alan. That's like "desire" with a "yay!" at the end.

• Charlie Harper : Yeah, we're done. Now we're gonna get your father back on his feet.

  Jake Harper : How?

  Charlie Harper : Well... Would you like to go see a bunch of naked boobs?

  Jake Harper : [excited]  Sure!

  Alan Harper : [shocked]  Charlie!

  Jake Harper : [scene cuts to a sauna full of fat, sweaty men]  This was a dirty trick, Uncle Charlie.