Two and a Half Men (TV Series)

Enjoy Those Garlic Balls (2004)

Charlie Sheen: Charlie Harper

Quotes 

• Charlie Harper : Hey, did you know that Mom's birthday was a couple of weeks ago?

  Alan : Yeah. I sent her some flowers and a card.

  Charlie Harper : Ah, man! Would it have killed you to put my name on the card?

  Alan : As a matter of fact, I did put your name on it. I... I wrote, "Love, your sons, Alan and Charlie".

  Charlie Harper : Damn.

  Alan : What?

  Charlie Harper : She tricked me into thinking I forgot!

• Charlie Harper : [sees Alan writing a check]  Hmm. Tequila. Checkbook. Sour puss. Must be alimony time!

• Charlie Harper : [Charlie sees the size of Alan's alimony payment]  Boy! You'd think for all that money, she'd at least come over and give you a lap dance!

• Charlie Harper : So, where's Jake?

  Alan : Sleeping at a friend's. He'll get dropped off tomorrow.

  Charlie Harper : Oh, man! I rented a movie I thought he'd like.

  Alan : Oh? What'd you get?

  Charlie Harper : Don't worry. It's educational.

  Alan : [Charlie gives Alan the DVD]  "One Million Years B.C."? How... How is this educational?

  Charlie Harper : Raquel Welch running from dinosaurs in a fur bikini? What is that, if not history?