Titus (TV Series)
When I Say Jump (2001)
Cynthia Watros: Erin Fitzpatrick
Quotes
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Christopher Titus : Where are you going?
Erin Fitzpatrick : Back to the van.
Christopher Titus : Well, you insisted to be here to make sure I was safe. You know, if you go sit in the van and I die, well, that's your fault.
Erin Fitzpatrick : But if I stand *next* to the van... your fault.
[before he can argue]
Erin Fitzpatrick : Endsies.
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Christopher Titus : Hon, doing things like this make me feel like I'm ripping into life, and... and, you know, maybe you can't get your mind around that because your rush is... is... buying shoes. And shoes are great. But I need more than that.
Erin Fitzpatrick : Pine box and six feet of dirt?
Christopher Titus : Yes. And a headstone that reads "Here lies Christopher Titus. Despite his girlfriend's misgivings, he enjoyed life thoroughly, thank you. Oh, and he was great with cars."
Tommy Shafter : You know, I wanna be cremated. And as you all know from my Christmas letter, I don't wanna be kept on life support.
Dave Scouvel : I do. I wanna be vegetable.
Christopher Titus : [snickering] "Wanna be"?
Dave Scouvel : [confused] What?
Christopher Titus : Nothing.
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Erin Fitzpatrick : Christopher, if you jump off this bridge, and something goes wrong, you would be lucky to be Dave.
Christopher Titus : Oh, I am not gonna be a vegetable. And-and... besides, I won't survive it, anyways.
Erin Fitzpatrick : But I will survive, and I would be without you.
Christopher Titus : Aw. I know it's your duty as my girlfriend to say stuff like that, but, you know, it's my duty as me... to jump anyway.
Erin Fitzpatrick : [blocking his way] No! No! Please don't. We have so much to lose.
Christopher Titus : We're not gonna lose anything.
[she blocks him as he tries to go around her, then tightly hugs him]
Christopher Titus : [groaning] Look, all right, I'm not that great. You'll get over me. I mean, I don't listen to you, I don't plan on listening to you anytime soon. Oh, my god, do I say stuff like that?
Dave Scouvel : And he has anger problems.
Christopher Titus : Yeah.
Dave Scouvel : Eventually, you and I are gonna hook up, anyway.
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Erin Fitzpatrick : You know what my last thought is gonna be before my guts get splattered all over those rocks? I'm gonna die *SINGLE*!
Tommy Shafter : At least you had love.
Erin Fitzpatrick : Oh, shut up, Tommy!
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Christopher Titus : Honey, are you okay?
Erin Fitzpatrick : That made me so hot.
Christopher Titus : What?
[she kisses him with passion]
Christopher Titus : [in the neutral space] Different women are turned on by different things. Turns out near-death experiences make Erin *hoooot*! Next anniversary, after dinner on the way home, I'm having Dave put on a mask and carjack us.
[imitating a seductive cat meow]
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Christopher Titus : You know, when we get married, I think you should wear a black wedding dress.
[she looks at him like he's nuts]
Christopher Titus : Ah! There's that look. Good girl. All right, grab the rope.
Erin Fitzpatrick : What kind of pig wears a black wedding dress?
Christopher Titus : I was thinking leather and some red pumps and some fishnets. Grab the rope!
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Christopher Titus : Honey, are you all right?
Erin Fitzpatrick : I banged my arm a little, but I think I'm fine. A little... little scrape. I'M STUCK IN A BRIDGE! Get me down, get me down, get me down!
Christopher Titus : Okay, okay, your chute's stuck. There is no way you're gonna fall.
Dave Scouvel : Unless you move a lot and loosen it.
Erin Fitzpatrick : I'm gonna die. I'm too young to die. It's so high.
Christopher Titus : No, no, no, no, no. That's not what he meant.
Dave Scouvel : Yes, it is. If she moves, she'll fall and die.
Christopher Titus : [yanking his rope] Dave!
Dave Scouvel : Oh! Oh! Oh! I almost fell. What a rush. Do it again, Titus.
Christopher Titus : [slapping his head] Shut up!
Dave Scouvel : Ow!