Titus (TV Series)
What's Up, Hollywood (2000)
Christopher Titus: Christopher Titus
Quotes
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Christopher Titus : You got arrested for drunk driving and it's my fault?
Ken Titus : You built me a cop magnet! I might as well be a black guy driving a large powdered doughnut!
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Ken Titus : You're being too hard on yourself, son.
Christopher Titus : "Son"?
Tommy Shafter : "Too hard on yourself"?
Dave : "Being"?
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Ken Titus : This fruity, freaky pick-up you built me! It got me arrested!
Christopher Titus : What?
Tommy Shafter : Mr. Titus, calm down.
Ken Titus : Shut up, I'm talking to my moron!
Christopher Titus : "Moron?"
Tommy Shafter : "Shut up"?
Dave Titus : "I'm"?
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Ken Titus : Look, can't I just tell my son that I'm proud of him and I love him?
Christopher Titus : No!
Ken Titus : [angry] Yes I can! Now hug me!
Christopher Titus : [angry] All right!
[they hug]
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Ken Titus : What the hell did you do to my truck?
Tommy Shafter : Come on Mr. Titus, be nice. It's got 20-inch foose-billet wheels, custom paint, shift-kit, 2-4 suspension, drop-ported heads. Oh, man if you don't think this is the most bitchin-est double throw-down street truck you've ever seen, you can kiss my ass!
[scared]
Tommy Shafter : I am so sorry.
Christopher Titus : It's okay, Tommy. Dad, this is the best work I have ever done. I'm really proud of it. Come on.
Ken Titus : I love it.
Christopher Titus : And?
Ken Titus : It's great.
Christopher Titus : Okay, you're not even trying. Can someone get him a beer, right now?
Dave Scouvel : Wait, wait, wait. Wait, wait, wait, wait. What's my middle name?
Ken Titus : How the hell should I know?
Dave Scouvel : It's Dad, all right.
Christopher Titus : Okay Dad, what exactly do you "love" about the truck?
Ken Titus : Well, the wheels, the grill, the paint. Good job, boy!
Christopher Titus : [terrified] I don't know what your game is Old Man, but this truck sucks and you know it!
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Christopher Titus : Dad found a new way to screw with me. He said he was "proud" of me.
Erin Fitzpatrick : Well, it's about time he said that. You're great at what you do!
Dave Titus : [whispering] He got to her!
Christopher Titus : Dave, she likes me.
Dave Titus : [slyly] Oh, right.
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[first lines]
Christopher Titus : I've heard tell of an urban legend. On a crystal clear night, somewhat like this one, a father pulled his son aside an spoke three mysterious words. Good job, boy. I know, I know. Like it could happen.
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[last lines]
Christopher Titus : I've heard tell of an urban legend. A son let his father off the hook when he could have fried him in front of his lady friend. Would have been true, too, if the son had not also gone to high school with Chip Takasaki.
[switches on tape]
Chip Takasaki : And remember, on the sobriety test, you're supposed to touch your own nose.
Christopher Titus : [laughs]
[takes the tape from the player]
Christopher Titus : That killed me.
[locks the tape in a vault]
Christopher Titus : I can not wait until episode twenty seven. When the legend continues.
Christopher Titus : [switches off light]
[howls like a wolf]
Christopher Titus : [switches on light] That was me.