Titus (TV Series)
Dave Moves Out (2000)
Christopher Titus: Christopher Titus
Photos
Quotes
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[running into a police station]
Christopher Titus : Uh, excuse me. Christopher Titus; my brother's been arrested.
Steve : Who's your brother?
[Chris shakes Steve's hand]
Christopher Titus : You must be new here.
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Christopher Titus : Honesty...
[confused look]
Christopher Titus : ... but that is not the way of my people.
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Christopher Titus : All he does is mess with people's minds.
Ken Titus : You're right. I do.
Christopher Titus : See, you're doing it right now!
Ken Titus : No, I'm not.
Christopher Titus : Yes, you are.
Ken Titus : All right, I am.
Christopher Titus : Stop it!
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Christopher Titus : Oh, I cannot believe Dave. What did he do this time?
Steve : Grand theft.
Christopher Titus : Grand theft? That's a real crime.
Steve : [with heavy sarcasm] And this is a *real* police station.
Ken Titus : And your brother is a real criminal.
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Christopher Titus : Dave, please listen to your inside voice right now.
Dave Titus : What's it saying?
Christopher Titus : Shut the hell up and get your stuff!
Dave Titus : Well, my inside voice is rude!
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Christopher Titus : Erin has a special relationship with my father. She makes it possible for him and I to communicate. I mean without her, I'd be talking about him instead of to him.
[angrily]
Christopher Titus : Thanks honey, nice!
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Ken Titus : Does the perpetrator have any recognizable scars?
Christopher Titus : Only emotional.
Ken Titus : There's no box for that. I'll just check "Other".
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[Dave has revealed that Titus told him not to tell Ken about moving out]
Christopher Titus : I said "Don't tell dad," but I also said
[to Dave, through gritted teeth]
Christopher Titus : "don't tell dad I told you not to tell dad"!
Dave Titus : Oh, yeah.
[Titus slaps the glass window and bonks Dave on the nose]
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[Titus is "translating" what dysfunctional people mean]
Christopher Titus : [Ken approaches Dave and snaps his fingers] "May I have the remote?"
[Dave scoffs]
Christopher Titus : "*I* am currently using the remote."
Ken Titus : It's ironic you're watching synchronized swimming when your girlfriend drowned last month.
[Dave whimpers, then runs off in tears]
Ken Titus : [takes the remote, sits down, and changes the channel] All right. Go Niners!
Christopher Titus : "Next time, just give me the remote."