Titus (TV Series)
Episode Eleven (2000)
Christopher Titus: Christopher Titus
Quotes
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Christopher Titus : [asking for the photos of Ken running a red light] What do you want?
Officer Charlie Regan : You have a custom car shop? I want my Viper flamed.
Dave Scouvel : And I want my pot back.
Christopher Titus : [glaring at Dave] We're bribing him.
Dave Scouvel : But he already has my pot!
[Titus groans and rubs his head in frustration]
Christopher Titus : I'll paint your car.
Officer Charlie Regan : And?
Christopher Titus : And... I apologize for my brother.
Officer Charlie Regan : [handing Titus the pictures] Deal.
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Christopher Titus : Dave, come on. Let's go.
Erin Fitzpatrick : Uh, where are you going?
Christopher Titus : I'm gonna go straighten him out.
Dave Scouvel : Whoa, no! I'm not going in there!
Christopher Titus : You helped.
Dave Scouvel : Damn your logic.
Erin Fitzpatrick : Honey, honey. The last person that your dad needs to see right now is the guy who tried to kill him. He's weak and tired.
Dave Scouvel : Oh, we should go now.
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Christopher Titus : [at the hospital, where Ken is being treated for a heart attack] Tommy, how's dad?
Tommy Shafter : I am not talking to you! You know, does the word "patricide" mean anything to you?
Christopher Titus : Uh, "patricide: to kill your father." I looked it up when I was eleven. What are you talking about?
Tommy Shafter : By "kill your father", let's see, I mean you tried to kill your father! How does it feel, father killer?
Dave Scouvel : Did you patricide Dad?
Christopher Titus : No!
Tommy Shafter : He tried! Mr. Titus wanted to take a date out on his boat. And he spent three angry hours trying to start it because some, oh, heart attack causing moron - don't hit me; his words, not mine - took the distributor cap. Well?
Dave Scouvel : Well?
Erin Fitzpatrick : Well?
Christopher Titus : You're acting like he never tried to kill me!
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Christopher Titus : I almost killed Dad because I took his distributor cap?
Dave Scouvel : Well, you must feel terrible.
Christopher Titus : *You* were with me!
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Christopher Titus : Hey, Dad. Can I get you something?
Ken Titus : See if you can trade yourself in for a Korean kid.
Christopher Titus : [noticing the nurse is Asian] Dad?
Ken Titus : I'll name him Ho-John Titus.
Christopher Titus : Dad?
Ken Titus : Ho-John wouldn't steal my distributor! And I could probably pick him up for a pack of cigarettes.
Christopher Titus : [indicating the nurse] Why don't you ask if she can help?
Ken Titus : [to the nurse] You know where I can get a Korean boy?
Christopher Titus : Dad!
Nurse Patty : Excuse me?
Ken Titus : Well, I mean you people know how to work hard and you respect your parents. Don't you, baby?
Nurse Patty : Uh, I'm Japanese, and I'm from Fresno, "baby."
Ken Titus : How come you're not designing computers?
Nurse Patty : [sarcastically] Because then I wouldn't get to meet nice white devils like you.