The Thick of It (TV Series)

Episode #2.1 (2005)

Robert Portal: Mark Davies

Quotes 

• Mark Davies : Malcolm, this is a traditional old-fashioned news story called "Minister looks a tit".

  Malcolm Tucker : Hey, everybody looks a tit, you know? Take two of these shots of him looking moronic out, leave a couple in of him looking a little bit dim, put one of him composed, drop it down the running order, and we've got a deal.

  Mark Davies : I'm not... Deal? What deal, Malcolm? He looks a tit, that's it. I'm sorry.

  Malcolm Tucker : But there is a difference between allowing someone's natural tittishness to come through and just exploiting it through camera work here. You're sticking one tit moment on top of another tit moment! That wouldn't happen in real life.

• Malcolm Tucker : [trying to get the news people to edit the footage of Hugh being confronted by an angry member of the public into something less embarrassing]  And do you know about that woman? Have you made any enquiries into the background of that woman?

  Mark Davies : I'm sure my researchers have, yes.

  Malcolm Tucker : Yes, your researchers have. Well, I've got to tell you I don't think they have.

  [his phone rings] 

  Malcolm Tucker : Just excuse me a second.

  Oliver Reeder : [phoning from the office at Number 10]  Malcolm.

  Malcolm Tucker : Have you anything on the woman?

  Oliver Reeder : Well, I've got Frankie up there now, just rooting through the bins. Hang on a second.

  [speaks into another phone] 

  Oliver Reeder : Have you got anything?

  Frankie : [outside the woman's house, literally going through her dustbins]  Nothing. Er... bloody chips, Daily Mail, bin stuff.

  Oliver Reeder : Nothing, Malcolm. Just bin stuff.

  [Malcolm thinks for a moment, then goes back into the editing room] 

  Malcolm Tucker : BNP, Mark. She's standing for the British National Party. Stamford Bridge.

  Mark Davies : [thumps his desk in disappointment]  For fuck's sake!

  Malcolm Tucker : Very straightforward. Basic stuff, Mark. Do your research. Standing for the British National Party.

  Mark Davies : All right, what do you want, Malcolm?

  Malcolm Tucker : Two little bits of tit. Two titties.