- [Hyde, Jackie and Fez are listening to Kelso]
- Michael Kelso: Okay, Jackie. There are some things I haven't been honest about that I feel like you should know.
- Jackie Burkhart: [nods] Okay.
- [Jackie looks at Hyde and Fez]
- Jackie Burkhart: Why are they here?
- Michael Kelso: Well, Hyde helpfully pointed out that it's not really honesty unless your friends are allowed to watch.
- [Hyde smiles]
- Michael Kelso: So, anyway, I made a list.
- Steven Hyde: [to Jackie] The list was my idea.
- Michael Kelso: Thank you for that, Hyde. Okay, so let's just get started. Um, that picture you saw of me in kindergarten? Those weren't puffy pants. It was a big-boy diaper.
- [Hyde and Fez chuckle. Some time later:]
- Michael Kelso: ...and that time you came out of the shower and you thought you saw a flash? I *did* take your picture. This one time you asked me if you had anything in your teeth and you did, but I said no, 'cause it's funnier that way.
- [Hyde is enjoying. Jackie's expression becomes more and more sour. Some time later:]
- Michael Kelso: ...when we were about to fool around and I said that I washed my hands? But, really, I just got done playing with, like, six dogs.
- [Jackie looks at Hyde, who barely suppresses his laughter. Fez looks disgusted]
- Michael Kelso: But, that's not as bad...
- Jackie Burkhart: [sharply] All right, Michael, stop! Okay, Michael, I think we need to work on *selective* honesty.
- Fez: [disgusted] Yes, that and basic hygiene. Seriously, good God, man.
- [Fez leaves]
- Jackie Burkhart: Okay, Michael, unless one of your secrets involves kissing a girl, I don't need to know about it.
- [Jackie walks to the door]
- Michael Kelso: Okay. All right.
- Michael Kelso: [to Hyde] Oh, science fact: dogs are cleaner than humans.
- [Kelso and Jackie leave]
- [Kelso feels bad for watching a porn movie]
- Michael Kelso: Jackie, you know I love you and you know how much I've changed, right?
- Jackie Burkhart: [smiles] Yeah?
- [noticing Kelso's guilty expression, Jackie frowns]
- Jackie Burkhart: Oh, what'd you do?
- Michael Kelso: I went to a stag film. But then it turned out that there weren't any stags at all. It was just naked people having sex. Go ahead and punish me.
- Jackie Burkhart: [pats on Kelso's palm] No, Michael, I'm not gonna punish you. You were honest with me, and honesty should be rewarded.
- Michael Kelso: [excitedly] Wow! I'm not in trouble and I get a reward? Is it a cash reward?
- Jackie Burkhart: [chuckles] No, Michael. The reward is feeling better about yourself.
- Michael Kelso: [disappointed] Oh.
- [the circle]
- Michael Kelso: Honesty's cool, man. It's like I can do anything wrong and then ask for forgiveness, and then I'm good again. Someone should invent a religion like that.
- Eric Forman: Okay. So did anyone besides me think that some of the guys in that movie were not completely... average? Like, you know, they were way, way *above* average?
- Steven Hyde: Well, you don't go into that line of work when you're *below* average. You just pray some hot, redheaded, neighbor girl likes you for your personality.
- [Hyde snickers]
- Fez: What are you talking about? Those men were completely average. In fact, I found the guy with the mustache downright puny.
- Michael Kelso: See now, Fez, that's not honest. I mean, we all know you're small in the pants. What I'm saying is, from here on in, I'm only telling the truth. In fact, I'm gonna come clean to Jackie about everything.
- Fez: Fine. You want honesty? I'll give you honesty. We are *all* small in the pants.
- Steven Hyde: [in serious voice] Kelso, this might be your best idea ever. You know what? You should make a list of all the lies you've ever told to Jackie, and I'll help you. 'Cause all I really want is for you to be happy.
- [Hyde smiles slyly]
- Kitty Forman: [showing her high school yearbook to Red] Look, there I am. Captain of the Cheerleading Squad... Most Likely to Succeed... Best Laugh...
- Kitty Forman: Why would Eric do that? Is our sex life so boring that he has to sneak around and watch X-Rated flicks?
- Jackie Burkhart: [hugging her] Oh, Donna. Of course it is!