- Judy Miller: You haven't folded any of the laundry?
- Bill Miller: Oh, yeah, yeah. It's not that I don't wanna fold the laundry, it's that I, uh, can't. I'm laundrylexic.
- Judy Miller: That must be really tough since you're also a fullocrapoholic.
- Bill Miller: Go ahead and laugh, but in my mixed up world shirts are pants; pants are shirts. Try walking a mile in my gloves.
- Judy Miller: We've got two teenagers suddenly willing to lie for each other. It's like the Joker and the Riddler have joined forces. You know what this means?
- Bill Miller: If they get Tina to be the Penguin, they could rule Gothom. We got to get you a Catwoman suit.
- Bill Miller: [to Judy] There's no way that our kids are as desperately skanky as you and your sister were.
- Bill Miller: [searching Brian's room] Ah, jeez! Here's something you hate to find in your son's bedroom.
- Judy Miller: Dirty magazine?
- Bill Miller: Worse. The songs of Steven Sondheim.