- Linda Michaels: Let me get this straight: You broke up Brian from the love of his life and Bill taught some jock how to get lucky with your daughter. Why don't you go for the hat trick and kill Tina's gerbil?
- Judy Miller: That was one rad eighties dance!
- Bill Miller: Yeah, but back in the eighties, poppin' and lockin' didn't mean my shoulder poppin' and my back lockin'.
- Judy Miller: Honey, don't worry about it; we'll drop some Advil later.
- Judy Miller: [about her son's new girlfriend] Don't you think sometimes she can be a bit bossy?
- Brian Miller: Mom, she's a female who will kiss me who's not my aunt. You make sacrifices.
- Brian Miller: She dumped me.
- Judy Miller: What?
- Brian Miller: She dumped me.
- Judy Miller: What?
- Brian Miller: Please don't make me say it again.
- Judy Miller: What was her reason?
- Brian Miller: I don't know. I could barely hear her through all the crying.
- Judy Miller: Aw, she cried?
- Brian Miller: No. I'll be in my room.