Star Trek: Deep Space Nine (TV Series)

The Magnificent Ferengi (1998)

Max Grodénchik: Rom

Photos 

Quotes 

• [after a long crawl through the access tunnels, Quark and Rom emerge through a panel - into Sisko's office] 

  Captain Sisko : May I help you, gentlemen?

  Rom : [to Quark]  I was following you.

  Quark : Must have taken a wrong turn.

  Captain Sisko : [deadpan]  It looks that way.

• [the Ferengi have simulated a battle with Jem'Hadar, rather unsuccessfully] 

  Rom : I think we're getting better.

  Nog : No, you're not. This is the eighth run-through, and you haven't been able to hit a single Jem'Hadar.

  Nog : [to Leck]  And you shot Moogie!

  Leck : I saw we weren't gonna rescue her, so I put her out of her misery.

• Quark : It's about the Nagus and Moogie.

  Rom : What about them?

  Quark : They're lovers.

  Rom : Nooo.

  Quark : It's been going on for over a year.

  Rom : Nooooo.

  Quark : She's his secret financial adviser. She helps him run the entire Ferengi Alliance.

  Rom : Nooooooo!

  Quark : Would you stop saying that?

• Quark : Everyone - this is Keevan. We're gonna trade him for Ishka.

  Rom : Hi. I'm Rom. This is Nog, that's Brunt...

  Quark : Rom! He doesn't care.

  Keevan : Truer words have never been spoken. I'll advise you all to send final messages to your loved ones, and make sure your wills are in order.

  Rom : Why?

  Keevan : Because the moment we leave the station you'll have signed your death warrants. Now if you don't mind, I'm going to take a nap.

• Quark : You're gonna tell your helmsman to head back to Dominion territory, warp 9.

  Yelgrun : That would leave me stranded here.

  Quark : For a few days.

  Yelgrun : I see, and by the time they return, you'll be long gone.

  Quark : That's the idea.

  Yelgrun : On the other hand I could have my Jem'Hadar storm the infirmary and kill you all.

  Rom : I like our plan better.

• Quark : No one's hiding and no one's escaping and no one's surrendering! What's wrong with you people? Have you forgotten the Battle of Prexnak?

  Rom : Who could forget the most important battle in Ferengi history?

  Quark : Ten Ferengi stood alone against 273 Lytasians.

  Gaila : As I recall, all ten Ferengi were slaughtered.

  Quark : The point is, we Ferengi are just as tough as anyone in the galaxy. And this is our chance to prove it, once and for all.

  Leck : Quark's right. Let's do it for Ishka. Let's do it for the Grand Nagus. Let's do it for Ferengis everywhere!

  Brunt : Let's do it for equal shares of fifty bars of gold-pressed latinum!

  Quark : It always comes down to profit with you people, doesn't it?

  Gaila : We're Ferengi.

  Quark : And that's why I love you! Fifty bars it is, minus my usual finder's fee.

• [Nog has cut Ishka with a knife to verify she is not a changeling] 

  Ishka : Now let's see if you're a changeling!

  [grabs Nog by his ear and beats him on the head] 

  Rom : That's no way to tell if he's a changeling!

  Ishka : You're right. Give me that knife!

• Rom : I can't go with you. I'm a married man. I have responsibilities, and my responsibilities don't want me to die.

  Quark : I don't want to die either. So let's just concentrate on the reward the Nagus is offering.

  Rom : Reward?

  Quark : Fifty bars of gold-pressed latinum.

  Rom : Fifty bars!

  [knocks his head on the ceiling] 

  Rom : Ow!

  Quark : Which I'm willing to share with you.

  Rom : An even split?

  Quark : Absolutely! Thirty bars for me, and twenty for you.

  Rom : That's not even!

  Quark : It is when you include my finder's fee.

• Leck : How can we be sure these schematics are accurate?

  Nog : 'Sir'.

  Leck : Oh, no need to stand on formality here. Just call me Leck.

  Nog : No, I meant you should call me 'Sir'.

  Leck : Don't be ridiculous.

  Nog : You mean 'Don't be ridiculous, Sir'.

  Quark : Gentleman, please let's not squabble. We're a team Nog.

  Rom : [corrects him]  We're a team, sir.

  Quark : Stay out of this.

• Rom : [proudly]  My son, the soldier!

  Quark : They've ruined him.

• Nog : In a half-hour, we'll have Moogie back and we can all go home.

  [everyone sighs with relief] 

  Gaila : Home - to the torrential rains of Ferenginar.

  Brunt : You know what I miss most? The rotting vegetation.

  Quark : Yep.

  Rom : And the dampness.

  Leck : Oh, to stand once more in those rivers of muck.

  Keevan : Oh, I only wish I could be there with you.

• [last lines] 

  Rom : So, Brother, how does it feel to be a... hero?

  Quark : You tell me.

  Rom : It feels... good?

  Quark : [laughs]  You bet it does!

• Leck : [to Keevan]  You don't seem to be too happy at the prospect of rejoining your people.

  Keevan : Believe me when I tell you I have nothing to be happy about. Vorta are supposed to commit suicide when they're captured. I failed to follow that rather harsh policy.

  Rom : They're going to execute you?

  Keevan : After what is surely going to be a most unpleasant debriefing.

• Quark : I'm putting together a little rescue mission, and I'd like you to be part of my team.

  Leck : I work alone.

  Quark : You'll be paid in latinum.

  Leck : I don't care about latinum.

  Rom : You're right, his priorities *are* different.

• [in a starbase jail] 

  Quark : How the mighty have fallen.

  Gaila : Cousin Quark.

  Quark : I heard you were arrested on Thalos VI, for vagrancy.

  Gaila : That's all your fault. I was a thriving weapons merchant - until I went into business with you. You ruined me. If I ever get out of here, Cousin, I'll make you pay for what you did to me.

  Quark : [to security officer]  Lower the force field.

  [the force field drops; Quark grabs Gaila by his collar] 

  Quark : Now what exactly is it you were you gonna do to me?

  Gaila : I don't understand.

  Rom : Quark paid your fine. You're a free man.

  Gaila : What do I have to do in return?

  Quark : Earn some latinum.

  Gaila : [smirks]  Tell me more.

• Nog : One more thing. How do we know that's really Moogie and not a changeling?

  Ishka : I think that uniform is too tight on you, Nog. It's cutting off circulation to your brain!

  Rom : Sounds like Moogie.

• Quark : There you are! I've been looking all over the station for you.

  Rom : Well, you found me. Now you go hide, and I'll search for you!

• Rom : [after adding Brunt to their team]  Now we are six.

• Rom : [playing with some Cardassian medical equipment]  Some of this medical equipment still works.

  Gaila : [sarcastically]  Is there anything for an upset stomach?

• [repeated line] 

  Rom : Moogie!

• [Quark and Rom have asked Nog to join their budding rescue team of Ferengi to save Ishka, their Moogie] 

  Nog : [flatly]  Not me!

  Rom : But Nog, Moogie needs you!

  Quark : Not to mention your Nagus.

  Rom : They need you, we need you. Say you'll join us. Pleeeaaasse.

  Nog : I'm a Starfleet officer. I can't go running off with you on some half-baked rescue mission! I have duties to perform.

  Rom : [pleading]  But you know how to fire a phaser.

  Quark : Forget it Rom. Don't beg.

  [to Nog] 

  Quark : Too bad though... we *were* going to make you our Strategic Operations Officer.

  [This gets Nog's attention] 

  Nog : You mean like Commander Worf?

  Quark : Exactly like Commander Worf. Think of it, Nog... You'll devise the tactics, come up with a plan of action.

  Rom : You can be the team's drill instructor. Put us through our paces. Prepare us for combat.

  Quark : Turn us into soldiers.

  Nog : [eyes wide; very interested now]  *That's* a big job!

  Quark : [putting his arm around Nog]  That's why we need you.

  Nog : How big is the team?

  Quark : Right now?

  [Quark gestures himself and Rom and holds up two fingers. Nog thinks for a moment. He then shakes his head and holds up three fingers, indicating that he is in. Quark grins and gives Nog a friendly one armed squeeze as Nog smiles and chuckles] 

• Rom : I never knew you studied medicine at the academy.

  Nog : I didn't, but if you think about it, medicine isn't that different to engineering. It's all about keeping things running, fixing broken parts.

• Rom : I think we've been going about this the wrong way. We're not commandos. We're negotiators. We make deals. That's what we're good at. The Dominion has something we want, so we need to find something they want.

  Quark : And then we make a trade! That way everyone goes home happy.

  Quark : Happy and alive.