- Dr. Mark Craig: So you took the job with that colonic slime, Bill Wolf, didn't you?
- Dr. Victor Ehrlich: How did you find out?
- Dr. Mark Craig: It's all over the hospital. Everyone is patting me on the back like I just had a baby boy.
- Dr. Victor Ehrlich: All right, all right, I was gonna tell you.
- Dr. Mark Craig: In this century?
- Dr. Victor Ehrlich: Listen, the only reason that I'm doing this program is to provide a genuine public service.
- Dr. Mark Craig: Oh, don't give me that crap! Muammar Gaddafi is more interested in public service than that ringworm producer.
- Dr. Victor Ehrlich: All right, I need the money. You know I got a divorce pending.
- Dr. Mark Craig: I guess I shouldn't be surprised that you turned on me for a few lousy pieces of silver.
- Dr. Victor Ehrlich: You've had your differences with Mr. Wolf, but I don't think that should interfere with our relationship. Yours and mine, I mean.
- Dr. Mark Craig: You can count on it! You lie with dogs, you get fleas!
- Dr. Victor Ehrlich: Well, wait a minute, you don't mean that, do you, sir?
- Dr. Mark Craig: His film eviscerated me all over the airwaves.
- Dr. Victor Ehrlich: I guess I can't persuade you to do a guest spot some night, huh?
- Dr. Mark Craig: Who do I look like, Ben Vereen? I'm a surgeon, Ehrlich, not a buck and wing man! Scalpel!