Sports Night (TV Series)

Intellectual Property (1998)

Peter Krause: Casey McCall

Quotes 

• Dana Whitaker : Do you know what I do when I feel I'm about to lose it a little? I buy a lamp.

  Casey McCall : Well lady, you must have one well lit apartment because you turned a corner somewhere.

• Casey McCall : And Tanana, who obviously can't see the end zone marker under the virgin snow, breaks into his touchdown dance on the ten-yard line, only to be given a geography lesson by linebacker Marvin Watkins. That's an incredibly embarrassing moment for any professional athlete, so, when we come back, we're gonna show it to you a couple of more times, if only so that I can keep saying "virgin snow."

• Casey McCall : Listen to me. There is a fly in the studio, and this is not a normal-sized fly. It's a jumbo fly. It has made a habit, now, of flying into my monitors at a great velocity. You would think that at this velocity it would blow apart on impact, but apparently this fly has some sort of protective coating that allows it to come right back at me.

  Isaac : Protective coating?

  Casey McCall : Yes.

  Dana Whitaker : Does the fly have any other special powers?

  Casey McCall : No. Well, Jeremy thinks it might have some sort of stealth capability.

• Dan Rydell : By the way, do you know what you got me for my birthday? A box of Mallomars.

  Casey McCall : You like Mallomars.

  Dan Rydell : I love Mallomars, but these weren't $2, 500 Mallomars.

  Casey McCall : They were good Mallomars.

  Dan Rydell : They were fine Mallomars. All I'm saying is you could have had the four remaining Spice Girls serve them to me in hot pants - I still say I got gypped.

• Casey McCall : [to Dana]  Hey, I apologize for nothing! No, that's not true, I apologize for some things. A few things. Several things. I apologize for half of things.

• Casey McCall : Look, Dana, you seem to be under the impression that I'm harboring some kind of love for you...

  Dana Whitaker : No! You're under that impression, but I know that it's in your head just like the fly!

  Casey McCall : A: I am not feeling what you think I'm feeling. B: if I were feeling what you think I'm feeling it wouldn't be in my head and C: you have serious feelings for me that only now are you being forced to confront and that will likely send you into a lamp-buying frenzy.

  Dana Whitaker : OKAY! Let's review this, I don't think you quite have this. I have utterly no feelings for you what so ever, you are monumentally interested in me, only are not, 'cause it's all in your head!

  Casey McCall : Like the fly?

  Dana Whitaker : Like the fly!

• Jeremy Goodwin : [Casey attempts to show Jeremy video footage of a fly in the studio]  Well, why don't I just tell everybody that I saw the fly?

  Casey McCall : This isn't in my head.

  Jeremy Goodwin : Of course it's not.

  Casey McCall : No seriously.

  Jeremy Goodwin : I know.

  Casey McCall : There's a fly in there.

  Jeremy Goodwin : Maybe he only makes himself visible to you.

  Casey McCall : He only makes himself visible to me?

  Jeremy Goodwin : Like the rabbit in 'Harvey.'

  Casey McCall : No, this isn't like the rabbit in 'Harvey'.

  Jeremy Goodwin : Of course not.

  Casey McCall : No, seriously.

  Jeremy Goodwin : I know.

  Casey McCall : Jeremy...

  Jeremy Goodwin : I'm just saying whether it's there you're not, you're making me believe it's there.

  Casey McCall : It's there.

  Jeremy Goodwin : I believe it.

• Casey McCall : You've known for awhile now that she's been seeing this guy, Gordon.

  Dan Rydell : Yes.

  Casey McCall : And you didn't tell me about it.

  Dan Rydell : Right.

  Casey McCall : Why?

  Dan Rydell : I thought you might be upset. I can see now I was wrong.

  Casey McCall : Look, I'm not upset, all right. I've known Dana for 15 years. She just does this thing from time to time.

  Dan Rydell : You mean have a personal life?

  Casey McCall : Yeah. She just does it to make me jealous.

  Dan Rydell : I don't think it's gonna work, do you?

  Casey McCall : My behavior is not motivated by jealousy, Danny. This is not jealousy.

  Dan Rydell : What is your behavior motivated by?

  Casey McCall : ...It's an emotion I'm having a difficult time putting my finger on at the moment, but uh, it will come to me.

• Casey McCall : I took care of my body and my body just deserted me at that moment.

  Dan Rydell : No, your brain deserted you. Your body is fine.

  Casey McCall : I have a broken ankle. You're not concerned I have a broken ankle?

  Dan Rydell : Where does it hurt?

  Casey McCall : ...In my ankle, Danny. It hurts in my ankle.

  Dan Rydell : You shouldn't move it.

  Casey McCall : I can't move it.

  Dan Rydell : Well, then you're all set.

• Casey McCall : Good night, have a good weekend.

  Dana Whitaker : I will.

  Casey McCall : [mumbles]  I bet you will.

  Dana Whitaker : What was that?

  Casey McCall : I said I bet you will.

  Dana Whitaker : You bet I will.

  Casey McCall : Yeah.

  Dana Whitaker : What does that mean?

  Casey McCall : Well, it means that if someone were to offer money against the possibility of your having a good time this weekend I would take that action.

• Natalie Hurley : Has anybody else noticed that Casey's been flinching a lot tonight?

  Kim : He's been doing it for a couple of nights.

  Dana Whitaker : Flinching?

  Chris : Like a tic.

  Will : It's a flinch.

  Dana Whitaker : Casey, why are you flinching?

  Casey McCall : I'm not flinching.

  Dana Whitaker : Not now, but before.

  Chris : It's like a tic.

  Will : It's a flinch.

  Dana Whitaker : A tic or a flinch, what's going on?

• Casey McCall : There's a fly in the studio.

  Dana Whitaker : A fly?

  Casey McCall : Yes, a big one. It's been in here about 3 days now.

  Dana Whitaker : Dave, there's a fly in the studio?

  Dave : I'm not seeing it.

  Dana Whitaker : Casey says there's a fly.

  Dave : [to Chris]  Is there a fly in our studio?

  Chris : I'm not hearing anything.

  Dave : [to Dana]  There ain't no fly.

  Dana Whitaker : Casey, there's no fly.

  Casey McCall : Dana, there is a fly in the studio the size of a bald eagle. And every time he buzzes my head on a flyby, it sounds like a sound check at a Black Sabbath concert. You're not picking this up?

  Dana Whitaker : Dan, is there a fly in the studio?

  Dan Rydell : Let him work through it.

• Dana Whitaker : Every time your life starts to spin out of control, you come after me. And you make me feel like you feel a certain way when you really don't. You did it in college. You did it in Dallas, you did it in L.A., and you're doing it now. I don't think you're cute. I don't think you're funny, I don't think you're smart and sometimes I don't think you're very nice.

  Casey McCall : [pauses]  You don't think I'm funny?