Sports Night (TV Series)

Intellectual Property (1998)

Josh Charles: Dan Rydell

Quotes 

• Isaac : Someone holds the copyright to "Happy Birthday"?

  Dan Rydell : The representatives of Patty and Mildred Hill.

  Isaac : Took two people to write that song?

  Dan Rydell : Go figure.

• Dana Whitaker : Okay, Dan, here's the thing. You're gonna be 15 seconds short on the Bucks/Pacers game. I have two options for you. Option one is that the attendance at the game, 11,323, turns out to be exactly the same as the population of...

  Jeremy Goodwin : Hoisington, Kansas.

  Dana Whitaker : Hoisington, Kansas.

  Dan Rydell : And option two?

  Dana Whitaker : Talk slower.

• Dan Rydell : I've got the intellectual property cops crawling up my butt.

  Isaac : The intellectual property cops?

  Dan Rydell : Yeah.

  Isaac : Are crawling up your butt?

  Dan Rydell : The heat's all over me.

  Isaac : What the hell are you talkin' about, Dan?

  Dan Rydell : I sang happy birthday to Casey on air.

  Isaac : When?

  Dan Rydell : Well, on his birthday, Isaac...

• Dan Rydell : No one understands the value of a healthy hunch.

  Isaac : Our lawyers understand the value of a healthy hunch. It's $400 an hour, plus court costs.

• Dan Rydell : By the way, do you know what you got me for my birthday? A box of Mallomars.

  Casey McCall : You like Mallomars.

  Dan Rydell : I love Mallomars, but these weren't $2, 500 Mallomars.

  Casey McCall : They were good Mallomars.

  Dan Rydell : They were fine Mallomars. All I'm saying is you could have had the four remaining Spice Girls serve them to me in hot pants - I still say I got gypped.

• Dan Rydell : It's against the law to sing Happy Birthday on television.

  Malory Moss : Federal Copyright law.

  Dan Rydell : Happy Birthday is protected material?

  Malory Moss : Yes.

  Dan Rydell : Who holds the copyright to Happy Birthday?

  Malory Moss : The representatives of Mildred and Patty Hill.

  Dan Rydell : Mildred and Patty Hill.

  Malory Moss : The authors.

  Dan Rydell : The authors?

  Malory Moss : They wrote it.

  Dan Rydell : They wrote the song.

  Malory Moss : Did you think that song just happened?

  Dan Rydell : Well, yeah.

  Malory Moss : Huh. Well, it didn't.

  Dan Rydell : Live and learn.

  Malory Moss : Yes indeed.

• Casey McCall : You've known for awhile now that she's been seeing this guy, Gordon.

  Dan Rydell : Yes.

  Casey McCall : And you didn't tell me about it.

  Dan Rydell : Right.

  Casey McCall : Why?

  Dan Rydell : I thought you might be upset. I can see now I was wrong.

  Casey McCall : Look, I'm not upset, all right. I've known Dana for 15 years. She just does this thing from time to time.

  Dan Rydell : You mean have a personal life?

  Casey McCall : Yeah. She just does it to make me jealous.

  Dan Rydell : I don't think it's gonna work, do you?

  Casey McCall : My behavior is not motivated by jealousy, Danny. This is not jealousy.

  Dan Rydell : What is your behavior motivated by?

  Casey McCall : ...It's an emotion I'm having a difficult time putting my finger on at the moment, but uh, it will come to me.

• Casey McCall : I took care of my body and my body just deserted me at that moment.

  Dan Rydell : No, your brain deserted you. Your body is fine.

  Casey McCall : I have a broken ankle. You're not concerned I have a broken ankle?

  Dan Rydell : Where does it hurt?

  Casey McCall : ...In my ankle, Danny. It hurts in my ankle.

  Dan Rydell : You shouldn't move it.

  Casey McCall : I can't move it.

  Dan Rydell : Well, then you're all set.

• Casey McCall : There's a fly in the studio.

  Dana Whitaker : A fly?

  Casey McCall : Yes, a big one. It's been in here about 3 days now.

  Dana Whitaker : Dave, there's a fly in the studio?

  Dave : I'm not seeing it.

  Dana Whitaker : Casey says there's a fly.

  Dave : [to Chris]  Is there a fly in our studio?

  Chris : I'm not hearing anything.

  Dave : [to Dana]  There ain't no fly.

  Dana Whitaker : Casey, there's no fly.

  Casey McCall : Dana, there is a fly in the studio the size of a bald eagle. And every time he buzzes my head on a flyby, it sounds like a sound check at a Black Sabbath concert. You're not picking this up?

  Dana Whitaker : Dan, is there a fly in the studio?

  Dan Rydell : Let him work through it.

• Dan Rydell : What's the problem?

  Malory Moss : During your broadcast on September 5th, you sang Happy Birthday to your partner, Casey McCall.

  Dan Rydell : Yeah, but I can explain that. Wait, it was his birthday. Why do I have to explain that?

  Malory Moss : You sang Happy Birthday on the air.

  Dan Rydell : Dana cleared it.

  Malory Moss : Who's Dana?

  Dan Rydell : Dana Whitaker, the producer of the show.

  Malory Moss : Oh yes. Well, my predecessor didn't clear it.

  Dan Rydell : Who's your predecessor?

  Malory Moss : Marty Sheinbaum.

  Dan Rydell : Who's Marty Sheinbaum?

  Malory Moss : My predecessor.

• Dan Rydell : Look, I don't have a whole lot of time...

  Malory Moss : Listen, I think it's sweet that you and your partner sing to each other on television. Others may thing that it's vaguely gay, but I disagree.

  Dan Rydell : [Dan looks at woman sitting behind him, who smiles meekly]  Thank you.

  Malory Moss : Nonetheless, you can't do it anymore.

  Dan Rydell : Why not?

  Malory Moss : It's against the law.

  Dan Rydell : It's against the law to be vaguely gay?

  Malory Moss : It's against the law to sing Happy Birthday on television.

  Dan Rydell : That doesn't sound quite right to me.

  Malory Moss : It is.