- Casey McCall: If you've had half as much fun watching the show as we've had doing it, well, then we've had twice as much fun doing the show as you've had watching it.
- Dan Rydell: Come out with me.
- Casey McCall: Where?
- Dan Rydell: El Perro Fumando.
- Casey McCall: "The Smoking Dog"?
- Dan Rydell: Yes.
- Casey McCall: Why?
- Dan Rydell: If you wear something blue, you get $2 off a giant blue margarita.
- Casey McCall: You know, I make a pretty good living. I can actually afford to wear what I want and pay full price.
- Dan Rydell: I'm not promoting the economic upside as much as I am the opportunity to drink something giant and blue.
- Natalie Hurley: On page 66, halfway down in the NFL injury report, it says "Collins is expected to miss practice this week, the result of a bulging disk."
- Dan Rydell: Yeah?
- Natalie Hurley: There's a typo on the TelePrompter. They left out the 's.'
- Casey McCall: Collins is expected to be sidelined a week to 10 days with a bulging di-Uh Oh.
- Dan Rydell: Whoa. That's a big 10-4.
- Casey McCall: My next line in the script was "Let's go to the videotape."
- Natalie Hurley: We might have gotten some phone calls.
- [Talking about his writer's block]
- Dan Rydell: And I wanna ask for your patience and support during this period.
- [Natalie splashes water in his face]
- Dan Rydell: Okay. Why did that happen?
- Natalie Hurley: Shock therapy.
- Dan Rydell: Shock therapy.
- Natalie Hurley: Leave this to me. I'm gonna knock the writer's block right outta you.
- Dan Rydell: By throwing water in my face?
- Natalie Hurley: By surprising you with the unexpected. That was step one. There's not gonna be anymore water.
- Dan Rydell: What's step two?
- [She splashes water in his face again]
- Dan Rydell: I thought you said there wasn't going to be anymore water?
- Natalie Hurley: It was surprising and unexpected.
- Dan Rydell: Yes it was.
- [to assistant U.S. attorney for the Southern district Gordon Gage B.A., M.A., J.D. - aka Dana's boyfriend]
- Casey McCall: You know... it really wasn't my intention to discuss any Dana-related matters. No, I was just reading this "New York Times" piece on the forensic evidence, the ballistics match, the eyewitnesses, and the 78 hours worth of wiretaps, a portion of which included the defendant saying, "I killed him. I killed him. I killed him dead"... and was wondering what the heck a fella has to do to get thrown in jail on your watch.
- Jeremy Goodwin: And in that moment, Dan was reminded once again why he wanted to write in the first place. It's for the same reason anybody does anything: to impress women.
- Isaac: My 16-year-old daughter is dating a Republican in her class named Chad.
- Dana Whitaker: Chad's a 16-year-old Republican?
- Isaac: That's right.
- Dana Whitaker: I didn't know 16-year-olds had party affiliations.
- Isaac: Chad was just elected president of the Connecticut Young Black Republican caucus. He has a 3.9 GPA, he is co-captain of the lacrosse team, he plays the French horn, and does volunteer work at a crisis hotline.
- Dana Whitaker: Sounds wonderful.
- Isaac: Dana, did you hear me? He's a Republican!
- Dan Rydell: You're gonna need to get someone to fix my computer.
- Kim: What's wrong with it?
- Dan Rydell: It's in several pieces on my floor.
- Casey McCall: Kim said there was an emergency.
- Dan Rydell: It *is* an emergency.
- Casey McCall: Is it your mom?
- Dan Rydell: What's wrong with my mom?
- Casey McCall: I'm askin'.
- Dan Rydell: It's not my mom.
- Casey McCall: Well, what is it?
- Dan Rydell: Why did you say it was my mom?
- Casey McCall: I didn't say it was your mom.
- Dan Rydell: Yeah, but you jumped to that right away, which makes me think there's something wrong with my mom. Casey, what's wrong with my mom?
- Casey McCall: Hey, look who's here.
- Gordon: Hey Casey.
- Casey McCall: Hey Gordon. Look, Dana told me you were a little down about the verdict in your trial, so I just wanted you to know I'm not gonna do any jokes. I'm not gonna give you a hard time.
- Gordon: I appreciate it.
- Casey McCall: So, this party at Gracie Mansion, must be going pretty late.
- Gordon: Yeah, we'll catch the tail end of it.
- Casey McCall: Do you think the Mayor's gonna chew you out for so spectacularly blundering the case?
- Gordon: I don't actually work for the Mayor. I work for the US Department of Justice.
- Casey McCall: And a hell of a year you guys have been having.
- Gordon: You know Casey, I really won't deny this hasn't been my finest hour. But there's really nothing you can say that's gonna rattle me. I'm just happy to be here, happy to be talking to you, happy to be having sex with Dana every night.
- Casey McCall: You know, it really wasn't my intention to discuss any Dana related matters, no. I was just reading this New York Times Piece on the forensic evidence, the ballistics match, the eyewitnesses, and the seventy eight hours worth of wiretaps, a portion of which included the defendant saying, "I killed him. I killed him. I killed him dead." And was wondering what the heck a fella has to do to get thrown in jail on your watch.
- Gordon: Well, about I run you through an IRS audit and we find out?
- Casey McCall: You got nothing on me, counselor. I live my life clean as my mother's kitchen floor.
- Gordon: Is that your name up on a Monday Night Football office pool?
- Casey McCall: Yeah.
- Gordon: Are you familiar with Federal Section Code 4 of the Rico Act?
- Casey McCall: No.
- Gordon: Then before I decide to subpoena your whole family, why don't you go write your television show and leave the smarty-boy remarks to those of us with postgraduate degrees?
- Casey McCall: Ok.
- Isaac: What was I saying?
- Dana Whitaker: You were building a dungeon to incarcerate any Republican suitors.
- Isaac: And a moat - a *big* moat.