Koenig and Maya are exploring a world covered in lush, semi-tropical vegetation. Casually picking a flower, he is startled when a voice booms out of nowhere: "Cannibals! Murderers! You will be punished as cannibals and murderers deserve to be!". This is a world where evolution has taken a different turn and plants are the dominant life-form. Koenig has accidentally committed murder. He and Maya are both sentenced to death.
The Rulers of Luton conjure up three grotesque aliens from nothingness - 'Alien Strong' ( David Jackson ) who is powerful, 'Alien Transporter' ( Godfrey James ) able to teleport at will and 'Alien Invisible' ( Roy Marsden ) who can..well, guess. Despite attempts by the Commander to make peace with them, they pay no heed. A battle for survival ensues...
This was one of three Year 2 episodes penned by producer Fred Freiberger under the alias 'Charles Woodgrove'. Actually, 'Charles Woodworm' would have been more apt. Fred was about as good a writer as he was a producer; that is to say, not good at all. His episodes are far and away the worst the show ever produced. 'The Rules Of Luton' is a rip-off of an old 'Star Trek' plot entitled 'Arena', itself a rip-off of an 'Outer Limits' story called 'Fun & Games', loosely based on Fredric Brown's story 'Arena', in which an Earthman is forced to fight to the death an alien for the gratification of a higher intelligence.
The problem with 'Luton' is not that it is derivative, but simply that it is not remotely exciting. Just people and aliens larking about in a field. The unconvincing monsters don't help. While one can forgive the threadbare creatures that shuffled their way through Classic 'Dr.Who' and 'Blake's Seven' on the grounds that those were low budget B.B.C. series, in a well funded show like '1999' such shoddiness is inexcusable.
The legend goes that Fred got the name 'Luton' from a road sign he spotted while driving on the M1 motorway. We can only give thanks he was not driving through North Wales, otherwise the episode might have been titled 'The Rules Of Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogery etc.'. Did he give any consideration as to how his naming a planet 'Luton' would be received in Britain? I never saw this when it went out but I bet there were more than a few giggles going round the school playgrounds the morning after it was first broadcast. In fairness, I should point out the plants pronounce the name 'Loo-tarn', rather like Hyacinth Bucket's insistence on being called 'Mrs.Bouquet'.
How can plants talk in any case? What are they using for vocal chords? Just think if anyone wanted to take over the planet they would not need ray guns and space ships - a few hundred gallons of weed killer would do the job nicely.
Roy Marsden - the future star of 'The Sandbaggers' and 'Inspector Dalgleish' - is virtually unrecognisable as 'Alien Invisible' ( probably why he took the part ). David Jackson ( Dave Prowse must have been busy that week ) - 'Alien Strong' - went on to play 'Gan' in 'Blake's Seven'.
There's a nice scene where Koenig and Maya talk about their home worlds, and he mentions his late wife. But we are long, long away from the heights of Year 1 with this. And things would get worse.
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