Son of the Beach (TV Series)

Chip's a Goy (2001)

Timothy Stack: Notch Johnson

Quotes 

• Noccus Johnstein : And now, Notcholeh, in honor of your arrival, join me as we blow the shofar.

  Notch Johnson : [glancing at their chauffer]  He was a good driver and all, but can't we just throw him twenty bucks?

• Noccus Johnstein : I'm concerned about Hummus.

  Notch Johnson : Hummus? You mean the tasty chip dip made entirely of chickpeas?

  Noccus Johnstein : No. This is Hummus, the terrorist organization. Led by Osama bin *Layden*!

  Notch Johnson : Do you mean Osama bin Laden?

  Noccus Johnstein : No. He's bad, too. But I'm talking about Osama bin *Layden*!

  Notch Johnson : So, what's the deal with this Osama bin Layden?

  Noccus Johnstein : Well, Osama bin *Layden* has created a secret gas bomb. When it hits, you don't even realize it.

  Notch Johnson : The worst kind of gas... silent but deadly.

• Notch Johnson : Okay, gang, let's hit the mall and do some shopping.

  B.J. Cummings : Great. I want to buy some "Jew-veniers".

  Kimberlee Clark : How do we get there, Nocchus?

  Noccus Johnstein : Oh, you can't miss it. You see where those, uh, four Palestinians are?

  [machine gun fire in the distance] 

  Noccus Johnstein : You see where those three Palestinians are? Right behind them.

• Mohammed : Hello, my friend. Do you like to eat dates?

  Notch Johnson : Well, that's a very personal question. But I suppose it would depend on the girl.

• Notch Johnson : [captured and put into slavery]  Oh, Lord. I'm so hot and thirsty. If you hear me, please bring me something to drink.

  Schmuel : Here, drink this. It'll make you feel better.

  Notch Johnson : Thank you. Bless you.

  [taking a sip] 

  Notch Johnson : Ahh, that hit the spot. What do you call this drink?

  Schmuel : Urine.

  [Notch glances at the bowl and back] 

  Schmuel : Well, sometimes you just have to make do.

  Notch Johnson : Actually, it's not bad. But who had the asparagus?