The Simpsons (TV Series)

When You Dish Upon a Star (1998)

Dan Castellaneta: Homer Simpson, Grey-haired man, Sideshow Mel, Barney

Photos 

Quotes 

• Lisa Simpson : You promised to take us to the lake.

  Homer Simpson : I promise you kids lots of things. That's what makes me such a good father!

  Lisa Simpson : Actually, keeping promises would make you a good father.

  Homer Simpson : No, that would make me a great father.

• Ron Howard : Do I smell vodka... and wheatgrass?

  Homer Simpson : It's called a lawnmower, I invented it, do you want one?

  Ron Howard : Yeah, okay.

• Homer Simpson : Billy Baldwin!

  Alec Baldwin : I'm Alec Baldwin!

• Homer Simpson : [after dreaming that he was Yogi Bear]  Oh... I was having the most wonderful dream. I had a hat and a tie with no pants on.

• Boat Rental Clerk : [hands Homer keys]  There you go. And I assume you've read the boat safety manual.

  Homer Simpson : Oh, yeah. Couldn't put it down. Come on, boy, let's get me a six-pack!

  Boat Rental Clerk : Uh, sir, you can't operate a boat under the influence of alcohol.

  Homer Simpson : Oh, that sounds like a wager to me!

• [Kim Basinger is working out, Homer is coaching her] 

  Homer : And stretch. And strain. And hyperextend. Keep those knees rigid. Jerk that lower back.

  Kim Basinger : I'm getting some shooting pains in my neck...

  Homer : That's right, force it. Whip that neck.

  [Alec Baldwin enters the room] 

  Alec Baldwin : Does anybody know where this came from?

  Homer : Oh, there's that script I wrote. Where did you find it?

  Alec Baldwin : It was on my pillow.

  Homer : The important thing is, it has the perfect part for you. For either of you. It's about a killer robot driving instructor who travels back in time for some reason. Ron Howard's attached to direct.

  Ron Howard : No, I'm not.

  Homer : Well, he expressed an interest.

  Ron Howard : No, I didn't.

  Homer : Did too.

• Homer Simpson : So long, suckers!

  [chuckles] 

  Homer Simpson : Eat my dust, suckers!

  Marge Simpson : Stop calling everyone suckers!

• Bart Simpson : I think Dad might be a little heavy for parasailing.

  Homer Simpson : Faster, Marge! Faster! The snapping turtles are massing!

• Homer Simpson : What are you two big Hollywood stars doing in good old Springfield?

  Kim Basinger : Sometimes we need to get away from Hollywood. L.A. is just so phony.

  Homer Simpson : Well, why don't you just move to, say, Bethesda?

  Alec Baldwin : Not phony enough.

  Kim Basinger : What we really like here is the privacy. Most people don't even know where Springfield is.

  Homer Simpson : Yeah. Tell you the truth, I'm not even sure.

• Marge Simpson : This is such a secluded area. I wonder who lives in that house.

  Homer Simpson : Way out in the sticks like this? It could only be hillbillies.

  Bart Simpson : So I suppose that's a hillbilly jacuzzi?

  Homer Simpson : Yep. That's where they cook up their vittles.

• Homer Simpson : Bye-bye, fishies! Higher. Higher! I'm soaring. Soaring majestically, like a candy wrapper caught in an updraft. Higher, Marge! Higher!

  Marge Simpson : It won't go any!

  Homer Simpson : Higher, I say. I wanna soar higher than any man has ever soared. I wanna look down on the clouds with contempt. I wanna sneer at God's creation and spit on it!

  [motor catches on fire and detaches the rope] 

  Homer Simpson : Lower! Lower!

• Homer Simpson : Well, I'll always have my prank calls.

  [dials his cell phone] 

  Homer Simpson : Hello? Old lady from "Titanic"? You stink!

  [laughs] 

• Homer : When was the last time Barbara Streisand cleaned out your garage? And when it's time to do your laundry, where's Ray Bolger? I'll tell ya. Ray Bolger is looking out for Ray Bolger.

• Homer : Look, all I'm saying is, if these big stars didn't want people going through their garbage and saying they're gay, then they shouldn't have tried to express themselves creatively.

• Alec Baldwin : Okay, you're on. But look, nobody knows we're in Springfield, and we wanna keep it that way.

  Kim Basinger : Will you promise to keep out secret?

  Homer Simpson : Absolutely. If you promise to keep mine.

  Alec Baldwin : Okay. What is it?

  Homer Simpson : [shamefully]  I can't read.

  Kim Basinger : But you just read that card from the Gersh Agency.

  Homer Simpson : I recognized the logo.

• Homer Simpson : [Homer and Bart are shown as parodies of Yogi Bear and Boo Boo Bear]  Hey Bart Bart looks like a beautiful day to swipe a picnic basket.

  Bart Simpson : But Homy Ranger Ned's not gonna like that.

  Homer Simpson : I'll handle Ranger Ned. After all i'm smarter than the average bear!

• Homer Simpson : Aw I was having the most wonderful dream. I had a hat and a tie with no pants on!