The Simpsons (TV Series)
Mother Simpson (1995)
Yeardley Smith: Lisa Simpson
Quotes
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Reverend Lovejoy : Marge, we can't tell you how sorry we are.
Ned Flanders : You have our deepest condol-diddly-olences. I'm sorry. I-I'm just nervous. I didn't mean any disrespect.
Marge : What are you talking about?
Ned Flanders : You know, uh...
[Marge stares blankly]
Ned Flanders : Homer's passing.
[another blank stare]
Ned Flanders : Away.
[another blank stare]
Ned Flanders : Into death.
Marge : What?
[taking a newspaper from Rev. Lovejoy]
Marge : That's ridiculous. Homer's not dead. He's right out back in the hammock.
[leading them to the back yard, they see the hammock is empty]
Ned Flanders : Oh, Marge, of course Homer's alive. He's alive in all our hearts.
Maude Flanders : Yes, Marge. I can see him.
Lisa : [skipping by] Hi, everybody.
Reverend Lovejoy : Marge, I'm gonna give you the card of our juvenile counselor.
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Lisa : There's something fishy about Grandma. Whenever we ask her where she's been all this time, she changes the subject. And just now when a police car drove by, she ran into the house.
Bart : Yeah, I don't trust her, either. When I was going through her purse, look what I found.
Lisa : [flipping through a stack of driver's licenses] "Mona Simpson. Mona Stevens. Martha Stewart. Penelope Olsen. Muddy Mae Suggins." These are the calling cards of a con artist.
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Marge : Mother Simpson, we'd like to ask you a few questions about your past.
Mother Simpson : Can't reminisce. Sleeping.
Bart : [she pretends to fall asleep] Spill it, Muddy Mae, or we're calling the cops!
Mother Simpson : Please don't.
Lisa : All right, then we'll call your husband: Grandpa.
Mother Simpson : No! I'll talk. I'll tell you everything.
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Mother Simpson : I saw all your awards, Lisa. They're mighty impressive.
Lisa : Oh, I just keep them out to bug Bart.
Mother Simpson : Don't be bashful. When I was your age, kids made fun of me because I read at the ninth-grade level.
Lisa : Me, too!
Homer : [doing a walking handstand] Hey, Mom, look at me! Look at what I can do!
Mother Simpson : I see you, Homer. That's very nice. Although I hardly consider "A Separate Peace" the ninth-grade level.
Lisa : Yeah, more like preschool.
Mother Simpson : I hate John Knowles.
Lisa : Me, too.
[they share a laugh and sigh]
Homer : Mom, you're not looking!
Mother Simpson : You know, Lisa, I feel like I have an instant rapport with you.
Lisa : [excited gasp] You didn't dumb it down. You said "rapport".
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Mother Simpson : [recounting the neutralization of Mr. Burns' germ laboratory] From that moment on, my life as I knew it was over.
Kent Brockman : [cut to her watching the news] Only one member of the Springfield Seven was identified. She's been described as a woman in her early 30s, yellow complexion, and may be extremely helpful. For Channel Six News, I'm Kenny Brockelstein.
Mother Simpson : [entering Homer's room where he sleeps] Homer?
[kissing his forehead, then leaving]
Mother Simpson : I'll miss you, Homer.
Homer : I thought I dreamed that kiss.
Marge : I'm so sorry I misjudged you, Mom. You had to leave to protect your family.
Lisa : How did you survive?
Mother Simpson : Oh, I had help from my friends in the underground. Jerry Rubin gave me a job marking his line of health shakes. I proofread Bobby Seale's cookbook, and I ran credit checks at Tom Hayden's Porsche dealership.
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Lisa : This is so weird. It's like something out of Dickens or Melrose Place.