- Marge: Oh Maggie, when are you going to talk?
- Lisa Simpson: Well, don't push her. Remember, it is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than open your mouth and remove all doubt.
- Homer: [thinking] What does that mean? Better say something or they'll think you're stupid.
- [outloud]
- Homer: Takes one to know one.
- [thinking]
- Homer: Swish!
- Marge: I'm afraid we're going to need a bigger place.
- Homer: No, we won't. I've got it all figured out. The baby can have Bart's crib and Bart can sleep with us until he's 21.
- Marge: Won't that warp him?
- Homer: My cousin Frank did it.
- Marge: You don't have a cousin Frank.
- Homer: He became Francine in '76. Then he joined that cult. I think his name is Mother Shabubu now.
- Krusty the Clown: [on TV, smoking and crying] You people are pigs! I, personally, am gonna to spit in every fiftieth burger!
- Homer: [watching] I like those odds.
- Homer: It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to fit in eight hours of TV a day.
- Krusty the Clown: Krustyburger is the meat flavored sandwhich of the 1984 Olympics. Just scratch the game space on your card and if the US wins a gold medal you get a free Krustyburger... Mmm mmm mmm!
- [Director yells "CUT"]
- Krusty the Clown: BLECH! Oh I almost swallowed some of the juice.
- [Produces a flask and rinses his mouth and spits]
- Krusty the Clown: Ugh, I'll be tasting that for weeks.
- Krusty's Accountant: Great spot, K.C.!
- Krusty the Clown: Put a sock in it, preppy! How much are these free burgers gonna cost me?
- Krusty's Accountant: Not to worry, Mr. K. We rigged the cards. They're all in events the communists never lose.
- Krusty the Clown: I like, I like!
- Krusty's Asistant: This just came over the wires, Big K!
- Krusty the Clown: [reading] Ah huh. Soviet boycott... U.S. unopposed in most events... how does this affect our giveaway?
- Krusty's Accountant: Let's see...
- [punches up the numbers]
- Krusty's Accountant: You personally stand to lose 44 million dollars.
- Krusty the Clown: [cries loudly] OHHH ho ho ho... Oy!
- Marge: I saved this saved the newspaper from the day Lisa was born.
- Lisa Simpson: [reading] Mondale to Hart: Where's the beef.
- Bart: Where's the beef? What the hell's that supposed to mean?
- Homer: [laughing] Heh heh heh heh heh. Where's the beef. No wonder he won Minnesota.
- Olympics Commentator #1: Oh doctor, we are seconds away from the 100-meter butterfly, and with the East German "women" shaving their backs 9000 miles away, the Americans are heavy favorites.
- Homer: Patience, my pet.
- Olympics Commentator #1: And the Americans jump out to an early lead!
- Olympics Commentator #2: Although we should point that many of the other women represent countries that don't have swimming pools.
- Olympics Commentator #1: Boo hoo! You're breakin' my heart!