The Simpsons (TV Series)
How I Spent My Strummer Vacation (2002)
Yeardley Smith: Lisa Simpson
Quotes
-
Taxi Driver : [on TV show "Taxicab Conversations"] Where to, pal?
Homer : [drunk] Talky thing, ain't ya?
Lisa : [watching show] Another proud moment for the Simpson family.
-
Homer : How'd you get such a crappy job? You a convict or a junkie?
Taxi Driver : Little of both. You got a family?
Homer : Oh, yeah. Wife and two or three kids. Can't imagine my life without 'em.
Marge : [watching on TV] Oh, you big fooler. Pretending not to remember so you could surprise us.
Homer : [chuckling nervously] Yeah, I'm pretty great.
[his taxi conversation continues]
Homer : At the end of a hard day, there's no better feeling than coming home to the people that you love.
Marge : Oh, Homie.
Lisa : That is so sweet.
Bart Simpson : I had no idea, Dad. I just assumed with all the stranglings, you know...
Homer : That my family isn't the center of my universe? Are you nuts?
[on TV]
Homer : Then there's those other days where you just wish you never got married or had kids. One minute, you're a carefree teenager, with dreams of being a rock star or a photographer for Playboy... then bam, some babe gets her claws in you...
Marge : Huh?
Homer : ...and boom, you got a bunch of kids that always needs love. So, whammo, you get stuck in some boring job where they don't let you play guitar or take pictures of naked women. And all you can do is watch yourself get bald and fat and kiss your dreams goodbye.
[he passes out and starts snoring]
Homer : [watching with the family] Aw, I can't believe they took "Monkey Trauma Center" off for this.
-
Homer : All right, time for my favorite show.
'Monkey Trauma Center' Announcer : "MTC: Monkey Trauma Center" will not be seen tonight...
Homer : [disappointed] Aw.
'Monkey Trauma Center' Announcer : ...so we may proudly present this much cheaper show.
Taxicab Conversations Announcer : [sultry voice] "Taxicab Conversations."
Lisa : Hey, I read about this show in "Teen Modern Maturity". They film passengers with hidden cameras and catch them at their most uninhibited.
Marge : That explains that.
Female Cab Driver : [leaving a nightclub, Disco Stu gets in her cab] Looks like somebody got down tonight.
Disco Stu : Disco Stu always gets down, baby. 'Cause when the beat is hot, the...
[sighing]
Disco Stu : Hey, can you keep a secret?
Female Cab Driver : What is it, hon?
Disco Stu : [dropping his act] I hate disco. It's all I've talked about for so long that people think I'm a one-note guy. It's just getting harder, you know?
Lisa : I had no idea Disco Stu was so complex.
-
Marge : [after seeing Homer drunkenly admit his occasional resentment of them] So, I'm just some babe who sank her claws into you.
Homer : A hot babe.
Marge : [frustrated groan] Ooh!
Lisa : Have you always resented us, Dad?
Homer : Oh, I don't resent you, sweetheart. What I was trying to say, and maybe I didn't use the right words, was that marriage is like a coffin, and each kid is another nail. But as coffins go...
Lisa : Please don't say anymore.
-
Homer : Where are you taking me?
Marge : A place where you'll never be bothered by your family again.
[he gasps as they pass a mental institution]
Homer : [as they pass a slaughterhouse] Oh...
[passing Santa's Village]
Homer : AHHHH!
Marge : [pulling over] Get out of the car, Homer.
Homer : You can't just leave me out here. There's not another woman for miles.
Bart Simpson : Sorry, Dad. Maybe now you'll appreciate us.
Lisa : While you're spending the week at...
Marge : Rock N' Roll Fantasy Camp.
Homer : [seeing a guitar-shaped sign] The Rolling Stones' Rock N' Roll Fantasy Camp! But I thought you guys were mad at me. For once in my life, I'm confused.
Marge : We had a family meeting and decided that even though what you said about us was incredibly thoughtless, and hurtful, you had a point.
Homer : Damn straight.
Marge : You work a job you don't like so I'm able to be home with the kids.
Lisa : And you take me places you hate like museums, plays, and the Olive Garden.
Bart Simpson : And even though you knew I ratted you out to the IRS, you never busted me on it.
Homer : You what?
Marge : So to say thank you for all your sacrifices, we spent our family vacation fund on something that's just for you. Do you like it?
Homer : [already out of the car] You guys are the best. I love you. I love you. I love you.
[tripping on a stick]
Homer : Oof! I'm okay. I love you. I love you. I love you.
-
Homer : Hi, Moe. Got any beer?
Moe Szyslak : Sure. Check in the fridge.
[Homer takes a beer from a mini-fridge behind the bar]
Moe Szyslak : Wait a minute, I'm at work.
[taking it away]
Moe Szyslak : You gotta pay for it.
Homer : [taking out his wallet] What the...? Where's my money?
Marge : [voiceover as he reads a note] Dear Homie, had to buy diapers for Maggie. Love, Marge.
Homer : Wha...?
Marge : Simpson.
Homer : Oh.
Lisa : [he takes out another note] Dear Dad, took money for the school book fair. Love, Lisa.
Bart Simpson : [and another] Homer, I need cash or they're gonna break my legs.
Moe Szyslak : [putting the beer away] Sorry, Homer.
Homer : So you're just gonna let me walk out of here sober?
Moe Szyslak : I'm afraid so.
Homer : And you can live with that?
Moe Szyslak : Ya-huh.
Homer : Fine. There are plenty of other ways for me to alter my consciousness.
-
Mick Jagger : There's no excuse for our horrible behavior tonight, Homer.
Elvis Costello : We acted like a bunch of angry young men.
Lenny Kravitz : Yeah, rock 'n' roll is supposed to be about peace and love.
Brian Setzer : I hope you won't judge the entire Brian Setzer Orchestra by my actions.
Tom Petty : [with his foot bandaged] What we're trying to say, Homer, is we're sorry. By the way, I don't suppose any of you have seen my, um...
Lisa : No. Sorry.
-
Homer : [desperate to stay at fantasy camp] I won't go! You can't make me!
Lisa : Dad, you knew this day was coming.
Homer : I knew nothing.
Bart Simpson : [accidentally getting kicked in the face] Ugh. Stop kicking me, Dad.
Homer : Never!
[sobbing into his hands]
Homer : My dream has been shattered into shards of a broken dream. I was so close to being a rock star, but now, there's a chance it might not happen.
[sadly]
Homer : I'll just have to settle for being a fat, bald, fat nothing.
Bart Simpson : Finally. Can we go now?
-
Lisa : Look, there's Dad!
Bart Simpson : Whoo-hoo! Yay, Homer!
Marge : I'm his groupie.
[with a giggle]
Marge : Am I saying that right? Groupie?
Homer : [seeing his friends and family cheering for him and tapping the microphone] Test. Test.
Marge : Why is he performing the duties of a roadie? Am I saying that right? Roadie?
-
Homer : You're rock stars. You're supposed to be reckless and destructive and be celebrated for behavior that would land normal people in jail.
Keith Richards : That's what I told 'em, Homer. But just the same, we'd like to make it up to you.
Mick Jagger : We're doing a gig tomorrow to benefit the victims of tonight's gig. And we'd consider it an honor if you'd join us.
[holding up a jacket with "guitar hero" stitched on the back]
Homer : Well, you're very sweet, Mick. But the only rocking I wanna do is in my living room chair surrounded by the world's greatest backup group, my family.
Lisa : [transition to him taking the kids to school the following day] Are you sure you don't miss hanging out with your rock-star friends, Dad?
Homer : No, I got something to remember 'em by.
[he chuckles as it's revealed he's driving the Satan-head stage prop]
Homer : Have fun at school, kids.
Bart Simpson : Later, Homer.
Principal Skinner : Mr. Simpson, this zone is for school buses only.
Homer : [using the flame thrower to burn off Skinner's clothes] Rock and roll! Whoo-hoo!
