The Simpsons (TV Series)
A Tale of Two Springfields (2000)
Dan Castellaneta: Homer Simpson, Bill, Austin Powers, Groundskeeper Willie, Arizona Cardinals representative, Mayor Quimby, Krusty the Clown, Sideshow Mel, Phony McRing-Ring
Quotes
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Homer : Badger my ass, it's probably Milhouse.
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Kent Brockman : [talking about the people of "New Springfield" when a new area code divides the town] They tend to use low-brow expressions like "Oh, yeah?" and "Comere a minute."
Homer Simpson : [watching the TV with Bart] Oh, yeah? They think they're better than us, huh? Bart, comere a minute.
Bart : You comere a minute.
Homer Simpson : Oh, yeah?
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[Homer tries to call Animal Control]
Phone Lady : [special information tone] Your call cannot be completed as dialed. Please make sure you have the correct area code.
Homer Simpson : Area code? But it's a local call.
Marge Simpson : The phone company ran out of numbers, so they split the city into two area codes. Half the town keeps the old 636 area code, and our half gets 939.
Homer Simpson : 939? What the hell is that? Oh, my life is ruined!
Marge Simpson : Jeez, you just have to remember three extra numbers.
Homer Simpson : Oh, if only it where that easy, Marge.
[the badger growls from the kitchen window]
Homer Simpson : Go away! We got bigger problems now!
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Homer : [missing a chance to win free concert tickets] Ohh! It's not fair! I've been a fan of The Who since the very beginning, when they were the Hillbilly Bugger Boys!
Bart : You should call that radio station and let 'em have it.
Homer : Good idea!
[dialing, he gets the "wrong number" tri-tone, and Bart laughs]
Homer : Why, you little...!
[strangling him with the phone cord, Bart then hits him on the head with the receiver]
Homer : Ow!
[getting hit again]
Homer : Ow!
[and again]
Homer : Ow!
[as they both grow tired, he lets Bart go and they collapse to the ground]
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Krusty : I opened for The Who at Woodstock. I came out with a Beatle wig and a ukulele. Hendrix said he almost plotzed. His exact words.
Sideshow Mel : [sarcastically] I never tire of THAT story.
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[armed with a bottle of chloroform, Homer approaches a security guard]
Homer : I'll give you this bottle of chloroform if you take us to The Who!
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Homer : Loyal citizens of New Springfield, you stayed on my side of town despite a total lack of hospitals and schools, and a sewage nightmare that threatens to consume us all.
Carl : How do we get our food? All the roads are blocked.
Homer : Don't worry. We have plenty of supplies to get through tomorrow. And then a wave of disease should help to...
[seeing citizens starting to climb the wall to the other side]
Homer : Hey! Stop streaming over the wall! At least wait 'til l I'm through talking. Okay, now, as for food, the following breeds of dog are edible.
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Homer : I hate this new area code. Like I don't have enough to remember already.
[on his hand, he's written "Lenny=White" and "Carl=Black"]
Homer : Is that right? Don't you miss the old 636...
[checking his hand]
Homer : ...Carl?
Carl : I'm not sure which one's better. The six is closer to the three, so you got convenience there, but the nine has less to do with Satan, which is a plus in this religious world of ours.
Homer : What really burns me up is they didn't give us one word of warning.
Carl : What do you mean? They ran those TV commercials about it and that big radio campaign.
Lenny : Don't forget the leaflets they dropped from the space shuttle, and the two weeks we all spent at area code camp.
Homer : Not a single word of warning.
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Mayor Quimby : [Homer dams Olde Springfield's water source] They got us now. Without water, we're doomed.
Principal Skinner : Wait a minute. What's that gold-colored substance in the riverbed?
Dr. Hibbert : Why, that's gold.
Mr. Burns : We're slightly richer!
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Bart : [at the nuclear power plant] Dad, I don't think this is such a good idea.
Homer : Thank you, Marge. Now, let's see how Olde Snubfield does without electricity.
[watching the power in Olde Springfield go out]
Homer : Whoo hoo!
Nurse : [at Springfield Hospital] Oh, no. You can't do heart surgery in the dark.
Dr. Hibbert : Sounds like a wager to me.
Krusty : [the patient] I'll take a piece of that.
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Phony McRing-Ring : Hi, I'm Phony McRing-Ring, mascot and president of the telephone company, and I'm here to explain why the convenience of area code in...
[an automated voice dubs in "your town"]
Phony McRing-Ring : ...has been replaced by the convenience of two area codes.
Homer : Uh, I have a question, Phony.
Lisa Simpson : It's a movie, dad.
Homer : Quiet, honey, daddy's asking the man a question.
Phony McRing-Ring : You're probably thinking, "Sure, more area codes are great, and I don't mind paying the extra hidden fees, but how will I remember all those numbers?"
[opening a closet, refrigerator magnet-like numbers fall out]
Phony McRing-Ring : Whoa! Well, scientists have discovered that even monkeys can memorize ten numbers. Are you stupider than a monkey?
Chief Wiggum : Well, how big of a monkey?
Phony McRing-Ring : [laughing] Of course you're not.
Lenny : [the film ends] Well, I'm convinced. A professional-looking film like that has got to be right.
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Marge Simpson : We can't go on fighting with Olde Springfield. These people are our neighbors. We see them every day.
Homer : You're right. We've got to block them from our sight with a giant wall.
Marge Simpson : Like the one in Berlin?
Homer : Good idea. We should call the guys they used.
Marge Simpson : [dialing the phone, he gets the "wrong number" tri-tone] Homer...
Homer : [restraining his anger as the tone continues] It's ringing.
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Homer : You rich snobs aren't pushing us around anymore!
Kent Brockman : And what are you pathetic slobs going to do about it?
Homer : Well, I...
[trying to detonate his dynamite vest, nothing happens]
Homer : Huh?
[trying a few more times]
Homer : Oh, nice wiring, Bart.
Bart : It worked on the test corpse.
Homer : Okay, plan B. Fellow 939-ers, I saw we break off and form our own city!
Bumblebee Man : [with a cheer, they follow Homer out] Viva la revolucion!
Homer : Now who's stupid?
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Homer : Now, I'm not one to make trouble, but it seems to me that everyone who got to keep the old, or "classic", 636 area code, lives on...
[accusingly]
Homer : ...the rich side of town!
Mr. Burns : Ooh, poppycock.
Mrs. Vanderbilt : [insulted] I never!
[her companion's monocle falls into his martini]
Homer : And, as usual, we Joe 12-packs get the royal screw job.
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Lisa Simpson : If you ask me...
Homer : Stop right there.
Lisa Simpson : It's stupid to divide the city over something as silly as an area code. It would be like you and mom splitting up every time you have a fight.
Homer : Sweetie, you know your mother and I only stay together for the sake of my political career.
Marge Simpson : That's not true!
Homer : [spotting a paparazzo outside the kitchen] Big grins!
[kissing Marge's cheek as their picture is taken]
Homer : Mwah! That'll play great in the sticks.
[finishing his coffee, he uses his "mayor" sash as a napkin; tearing it off, the one under it reads "time to reorder"]
Homer : Oh, that was 50 already?
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Mayor Quimby : I say the time for bitterness has passed. Let us extend to our brothers in New Springfield the olive branch of...
Homer : [hitting him with a can of Duff] New Springfield rocks!
Principal Skinner : Go ahead and laugh. We have a better town bird.
Homer : Oh, yeah? What is it?
Principal Skinner : The bluebird.
Homer : [unable to come up with something better] Damn it.
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Homer : [painting a "Welcome to New Springfield" sign] There, we're officially a city. Now we just sit back and wait for an NFL franchise.
Arizona Cardinals representative : [approaching] Say, I couldn't help but overhear. I represent the Arizona Cardinals...
Homer : Keep walking.
Moe : Good decision there, Homer. You showed a lot of poise.
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Kent Brockman : As expected, New Springfield's bold experiment in slob rule is a disaster.
Homer : Hey, the TV man is talking about us!
Kent Brockman : A study shows their crumbling economy is due to their lazy attitude and shoddy work.
Homer : How the hell did they find that out?
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Marty : Okay, time to give away free concert tickets.
Gary Coleman : [recording] What'chu talkin' about?
Marty : Whoa-ho. What we're talking about, Gary, is the Who!
Bill : We're giving away tickets to next week's concert at Springfield's historic Yahoo Search Engine Arena!
Homer : The Who? I love bands!
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Homer : [after getting mauled by a badger] Bart, do you have any dynamite in your room?
Bart : Tons.
Homer : Get it.
Lisa Simpson : No, dad, we don't want to kill him. Let's call animal control.
Homer : Great idea. Then we should call a doctor about this.
Lisa Simpson : [he lifts up his shirt, revealing a hole in his chest and his exposed internal organs] How did the badger do that without ripping your shirt?
Homer : What am I, a tailor?
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Homer : [after a section of the wall separating the town is torn down] Well, Marge, looks like your insane experiment is over.
Marge Simpson : My experiment? You're the one who came up with this whole idea...
[he makes her loopy with a chloroform-soaked rag]
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Homer : [shouting a song request] "Magic Bus"!
Roger Daltrey : [agreement from the other townspeople] Okay, we'll play "Magic Bus" if you tear down this wall.
Homer : [oblivious] "Pinball Wizard"!
Pete Townshend : Oh, hell, I'll do it meself.
[he turns his amp up to "Whuh-Oh!" and strums the power chord of "Won't Get Fooled Again"]
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Mayor Quimby : Give us back our concert, Simpson!
Homer : So, New Springfield's looking pretty good now, isn't it? With our ample parking and daily Who concerts.
Roger Daltrey : Daily?
Homer : We'll talk.
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Homer : I implore you to move your concert to our town. Don't play Olde Springfield. Or, as it is sometimes known, Sun City.
Roger Daltrey : But we have a handshake agreement with a concert promoter, and that's a sacred bond.
Pete Townshend , Roger Daltrey , John Entwistle : Sacred bond.
Homer : Come on, what happened to the angry, defiant Who of "My Generation", "Won't Get Fooled Again", and "Mama's Got a Squeeze Box"?
John Entwistle : We know our songs, Homer.
Homer : But those Olde Springfield squares are just gonna make you cut your hair, turn down your music, and wear frilly shirts like Keith Partridge.
Roger Daltrey : [taken aback] Keith Partridge? Who huddle.
[huddling and muttering together]
John Entwistle : We'll do it.
Bart : [high-fiving Homer] Yeah!
John Entwistle : Just send a cab for us.
Homer : What, is something wrong with your legs?
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Homer : Wow, the Who!
[laughing gleefully, he smashes a lamp]
Homer : Whoo! Rock and roll!
John Entwistle : [Bart starts kicking the drum kit's bass drum] What the hell are you doing?
Bart : Duh. Trashing the hotel room.
Pete Townshend : But we promised the desk clerk we'd be good.
Roger Daltrey : Yeah, we don't want to lose our pool privileges.
Homer : Whatever. The point is, I'm Homer Simpson.
John Entwistle : The mayor of New Springfield?
Homer : That's right.
Roger Daltrey : The crazy mayor of New Springfield?
Homer : That's right.
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Bart : Well, dad, you're mayor of a ghost town.
Homer : Oh, I can't believe those traitors abandoned us. They couldn't take one lousy famine.
Lisa Simpson : [smashing the window of a deli, he takes a string of sausage links] Dad, you're bleeding.
Homer : No problem.
[smashing the window of a pharmacy, he takes a gauze bandage and wraps his hand]
Homer : Anyhow, those rats'll come crawling back. We've got the Who playing here tonight.
Lisa Simpson : Dad, the arena's in Olde Springfield.
Homer : D'oh!
Bart : Don't give up, dad. Maybe we can get the Who to play here instead.
Homer : Hey, maybe we could. But we'll need some liquid persuasion.
[going to a store called Just Chloroform, he smashes a window and takes a bottle]
Homer : Come on, Bart. We're gonna bring back the Who.
[kissing the bottle, he instantly becomes woozy]
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Principal Skinner : It's not like the Who to be tardy. I'm worried.
Edna Krabappel : [hearing music in the distance] What's that?
Captain McAllister : [looking outside with a sextant] Argh! 'Tis the Who! By my reckoning, they're in the scurvy depths of New Springfield!
Moe : Homer stole our rock performance. That fat, dumb, and bald guy sure plays some real hardball.
Sideshow Mel : Who's ready to riot?
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Pete Townshend : We were expecting a bigger crowd, Homer.
Homer : Oh, don't worry, they'll be here soon, and then they'll see who's got the better town.
[giving Roger a setlist]
Homer : Now, these are the tunes I want you boys to play.
Roger Daltrey : [giving it a once-over] Wait a minute. Homer, a lot of these are Grand Funk Railroad songs.
John Entwistle : And we don't know "Pac-Man Fever".
Homer : Oh, come on, it plays itself.
[taking Pete's guitar, strumming and singing off-key]
Homer : A Pac-Man fever/A-doodle-ee-do/It's a-drivin' me a craa-aa-aazy!
[waving to Lisa]
Homer : Look, Lisa, Daddy's in the Who.
