The Simpsons (TV Series)

'Round Springfield (1995)

Dan Castellaneta: Krusty the Klown, Sideshow Mel, Homer Simpson, Groundskeeper Willie, Hot Dog Vendor, Bill Cosby, Barney Gumble, Grampa Simpson, Hans Moleman

Quotes 

• [at a cemetery] 

  Homer : I sure could go for a hot dog right about now...

  Marge : Homer, we're at a funeral.

  Hot Dog Vendor : Hot dogs. Get your hot dogs here.

  Homer : Woohoo!

  Marge : Do you follow my husband around?

  Hot Dog Vendor : Lady, he's putting my kids through college.

• Grampa : Death stalks you at every turn.

  Lisa Simpson : Grampa.

  Grampa : Well it does. AGH! DAH! There it is - death!

  Lisa Simpson : It's only Maggie.

  Grampa : Heh heh ho ho, yeah. You know, at my age, the mind starts playing tricks, so - AGH! Death!

  Lisa Simpson : That's only the cat.

  Grampa : Oh. AAAGGGHHH - death!

  Lisa Simpson : That's Maggie again, grampa.

  Grampa : Oh. Where were we? Deeeeaaath!

• Homer : If you want something to remember him by, I say get a tattoo. It'll be a constant reminder of the one you love.

  [Homer pulls up sleeve to reveal tattoo saying "Starland Vocal Band"] 

  Homer : [incredulous]  Starland Vocal Band? THEY SUCK!

  [Grampa appears outside and they watch as he points at a fountain] 

  Grampa : DEATH!

• Homer : Jazz? Who needs it? We can make up our own music.

  [to the tune of Mary Had A Little Lamb] 

  Homer : Dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee...

  Marge : Homer, that's Mary Had A Little Lamb.

  Homer : Okay. Doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo...

  Marge : Homer, that's the same thing, only you replaced your dees with your doos.

  Homer : D'oh!

• Krusty the Klown : And I contend those tourists were decapitated *before* they entered the KrustyLand House of Knives. Next question.

  Reporter : What about that little boy who got appendicitis from eating your cereal?

  Krusty the Klown : To prove that this metal "Oh" is harmless, I will personally eat one. See? There's nothing - GAH! OHHH! UUGGGHHH, YEAH! AAAAAGGGHHH BOY! This thing is shredding my insides!

  [collapsing to the floor grabbing his stomach in pain] 

  Sideshow Mel : Ah, Krusty, that wasn't the metal one, that was a regular Krusty Oh.

  Krusty the Klown : [agonized]  It's poison!

• Bleedin' Gums Murphy : Then there was the time I guest-starred on "The Cosby Show".

  Bill Cosby : Kids, this is your Grandpa Murphy.

  Bill Cosby's Daughter : But we've got three grandpas already.

  Bill Cosby : This one's the famous jazz musician.

  Bill Cosby's Daughter : Ah, they all are.

  Bill Cosby : Oh,oh-oh! You see, the kids these days, they listen to the rap music, which gives them the brain damage. With the hippin' and the hoppin' and the bippin' and the boppin', they don't know what the jazz is all about. Y'see, jazz is like Jello pudding... no, that's not it. Jazz is like Kodak film... no, that's not right neither. I've got it, jazz is like the new Coke - it'll be around forever.

  Bleedin' Gums Murphy : Sigh.

• Homer : [Trying to comfort Lisa]  I'm saying it's just like the time your cat Snowball got ran over by a car. Remember that honey, your cat? All I'm saying is, all we have to do is go down to the pound, and buy you a new jazz man.

  Lisa Simpson : Oh Dad!

  [Runs out of the room, crying even harder] 

  Homer : Oh, I blew it again.