Neil Dickson: Dr. Ian Matheson

Quotes 

• Ernest : Look at me! What do you see?

  Aunt Elsa : A lunatic!

  Ernest : [to Randi]  What do you see?

  Randi Wallace : A senior citizen...

  Dr. Ian Matheson : With no fashion sense?

  Ernest : That's my problem.

  Mum Matheson : Surely you can find a friend to shop with you.

  Ernest : You don't understand. I'm Ernest Wallingren and I'm only 27 years old!

  [Ernest keels over from a heart attack] 

• [discussing a hotel clerk's reactions] 

  Randi Wallace : Funny that he thought we were married.

  Dr. Ian Matheson : Funnier than you know.

  Randi Wallace : I never really thought about it, but I shouldn't be surprised. After all, we've gone through a lot more together than most married couples.

  Dr. Ian Matheson : There's no disputing that, but...

  Randi Wallace : Then again, we're closer than most married couples. After all, how many wives let their husbands chain them up every month?

• [pulling a book called "A Bachelor's Guide to London" from the hotel room's desk drawer] 

  Randi Wallace : Now in a normal hotel room, this would be a Bible.

  [Ian swings the whip he found in another drawer] 

  Dr. Ian Matheson : In Ernest's hotel room, that probably *is* the Bible.

• Dr. Ian Matheson : Oh, look, now we know what kind of man Ernest Wallingren is, can we please leave?

  Randi Wallace : Look, we know he's a smut hound, but the question is, is he a 30-year old smut hound or is he a 90-year-old smut hound?

  Dr. Ian Matheson : No. The question is, what business is it of ours?

• [Randi discovered that a mirror's reflection can slay a succubus] 

  Randi Wallace : I guess there's more than one way to kill a succubus.

  Dr. Ian Matheson : A remarkable and timely discovery, but there must be easier ways to become teacher's pet.

• Randi Wallace : Wait, wait, wait wait wait. Ah-ha!

  Dr. Ian Matheson : Ah-ha again. Now what? A pornographic gelatin mold? Ernest's whip collection? A life-size inflatable party girl?

  Dr. Ian Matheson : No, proof. Remember what he was wearing?

  [Randi pulls a garish set of mismatched tweeds from Ernest's armoire]