- Hesh: Hesh wants some sex!
- Derek 'Stormy' Waters: Hesh! Get off! My tape's playing!
- Hesh: Shut up. Debbie, get down here... give Hesh some sex.
- Derek 'Stormy' Waters: Hesh, this isn't funny.
- Hesh: You'll be real funny when I crack you with a pipe.
- Derek 'Stormy' Waters: Okay, I'm coming down there.
- Hesh: Shut up.
- Debbie DuPree: Well now... Hesh
- Hesh: Shut up!
- Debbie DuPree: Um, okay... why do you think you would make a good father?
- Hesh: Um... gimme a second... uh... sex.
- Dr. Quentin Q. Quinn: Man, how'd you feel if everyone went around calling you "White" Stormy?
- Derek 'Stormy' Waters: [Gasps] You mean there's a BLACK Stormy?
- [suggesting they eat Debbie's child]
- Sparks: Like veal... only babies.
- Debbie DuPree: WHAT?
- Sparks: And I'm talkin' real baby-back ribs...
- Captain Murphy: Do you want the moustache on, or off?
- Debbie DuPree: Off, please.
- Captain Murphy: Too bad.
- Sparks: Debbie, I have something for you.
- Debbie DuPree: Oh yeah? What?
- Sparks: A book.
- Debbie DuPree: What's the book?
- Sparks: "A Modest Proposal".
- Debbie DuPree: Who's it by?
- Sparks: Jonathan Swift.
- Debbie DuPree: And what's the book about?
- [pause]
- Sparks: Eating babies.
- [Debbie runs past in her underwear, screaming]
- Debbie DuPree: I am a fertile goddess and I must have a baby!
- Marco: So, uh, how you been?
- Debbie Love: [flirtatiously] Actually, I've been a little under the weather.
- Marco: Sounds like you need a shot of "Vitamin M".
- Debbie Love: You know, I think I might.
- Marco: It's a pretty big needle.
- Debbie Love: I get it. Come on in, honey.
- Marco: This doctor makes house calls.
- Debbie Love: [irritably] I GET it!
- Marco: Oh, you GONNA get it!
- Debbie Love: [impatiently] Would you just get in here?
- Marco: Oh, I'm gonna get in there!
- Debbie Love: [exasperated] All right, already!
- Captain Murphy: Well, as long as the baby doesn't touch my stash.
- Debbie DuPree: Your what?
- Captain Murphy: ...Heh, heh, moustache!