- Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: What's your problem with your dad?
- Murray Marks: Well, for starters, he named my Murray. That's an old man's name.
- Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: Oh, come on. No, it isn't.
- Murray Marks: [looks down a hallway, and shouts] Murray!
- Old "Murray"s: [several old men poke their heads out of their rooms] What?
- Murray Marks: Everything my father's ever done was designed to humiliate me.
- Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: Murray.
- Old "Murray"s: [several old men poke their heads out of their rooms] What?
- Murray Marks: What?
- Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: No, the youngest Murray.
- [all but one old Murray retreat]
- Old Murray: I'm 68!
- Murray Marks: 34!
- Old Murray: Dang it!
- Dr. Perry Cox: By the by, this moment is so great that I'd cheat on that other moment from before, marry this one, and raise a family of tiny little moments.
- Dr. Perry Cox: Who gave you this number?
- Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: I'm asking for your help here.
- Dr. Perry Cox: Okay, but I think it's very important to focus on the "who gave you this number" issue.
- Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: Fine. Maybe I got too involved like you said, but would it kill you for once to acknowledge for that my heart was in the right place instead of spending all your time berating me.
- Dr. Perry Cox: You got this number from Jordan, didn't you? She hates me.
- Dr. Christopher Turk: Ladies, I think we've learned our lesson.
- Jordan Sullivan: That is not helpful, Turkleton!
- Dr. Christopher Turk: I was covered in bees!
- Murray Marks: Whenever I'm around the guy, I'm invisible.
- Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: Oh, come on, you're exaggerating.
- Gregory Marks: [as he sings to some of the hospital staff] Heeey, good lookin', whaaa'cha got cookin'? How's about cooking something up with me!
- Murray Marks: See what I mean?
- Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: Shhh! I love this song.
- Murray Marks: You don't know what it was like having him as a father. He had me in his shadows my whole life. He actually sang at my senior prom. My date threw her panties on stage, first and last time I saw them by the way.
- Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: [voice-over] Life in a hospital is never boring.
- Nurse Carla Espinosa: What the hell are you guys doing?
- [J.D. and Turk are shown running in slow motion]
- Dr. Christopher Turk: Practicing our slow motion run.
- Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: Makes everything seem more dramatic.
- Nurse Carla Espinosa: You're doctors. Doctors.
- Dr. Christopher Turk: Baby?
- Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: Go get her, Turk!
- Dr. Christopher Turk: Waaaaaaiiiiit!
- Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: Oh, he's slow.
- Murray Marks: He's not my dad, he's my fake dad which means what my fake cousin Samantha and I almost did in the 10th grade would have been beautiful and right.
- Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: Been there with my gram-gram.
- Dr. Elliot Reid: I have been kicking ass lately, but this place is such a boys' club. I still can't even get x-rays or lab tests back on time.
- Nurse Carla Espinosa: Hey, Elliot, if you're desperate to get things done, you could always do what Jordan does.
- Jordan Sullivan: [to a security guard] Could you move my car out of the sun? If the seat gets too hot, my thighs get all pink and sweaty.
- [the security guard rushes off]
- Jordan Sullivan: Yeah. Bye-bye, security guard.
- Dr. Elliot Reid: Hmm. Very classy.
- Jordan Sullivan: Sweetie, you won't have to do that. Sure, if it's something really important, you might have to occasionally sleep with someone. That's how I hooked up with Perry. Needed a pen.
- Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: You will never guess what I found on the computer?
- Dr. Perry Cox: Is it a set of adult male shoulders?
- Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: They had to trim them to get me out of the well.
- Dr. Perry Cox: Oh, right.
- Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: I gotta tell you, Mr. Marks. Even though I know you'd never take it, I'd give you one of my kidneys in a second.
- Gregory Marks: Oh, no, I would definitely take it! I would take it with my bare hands.
- Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: Awesome. Well, let me check your chart and s-see if we're a match.
- Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: Please don't be a match! Please don't be a match! Blood type O! Not a match! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!
- Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: I'm so sorry.
- Mickey: I'm a pretty airplane! Board me.
- Murray Marks: He's a little off.
- Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: He smells like fuel.
- Murray Marks: He's an airplane.
- Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: [voice over] If Murray could look past his dad's imperfections and appreciate all the time he'd given him, maybe I owe Dr. Cox a thank you for the same thing.
- Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: [aloud, to Dr. Cox] Hey, I just want to take a second to thank you for constantly berating me, doubting my abilities, and the overall devastation of my self-esteem.
- Dr. Perry Cox: My pleasure.
- Dr. Elliot Reid: Franklyn, if you analyze this urine sample right now, then maybe I'll have sex with you, but probably not.
- Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: [to Murray] OK. The song goes like this: "You were wrong, I was right... I found his son, I found his son, I found his son!" And then you jump out and yell, "That's me!"
- Murray Marks: Yeah, but wouldn't it be funnier if I jumped out on the second "I found your son", you know, just to get it out there?
- Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: Yeah, but then who's gonna be singing the song? 'Cause it sure won't be me!
- Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: It's not a unicorn, it's a horse with a sword on its head that protects my hopes and dreams.
- Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: Anyway, know Mr. Marks? He said he doesn't have any family to be a kidney donor? But he's got a son! We gotta find this guy!
- Dr. Perry Cox: Look, Newbie, there are times a man wants to keep something to himself. Say he's got a son or he's 29 years old and keeps a journal with a unicorn drawn on the cover.
- Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: That's a horse with a sword on his head and he's there to guard my hopes and dreams.
- Nurse Carla Espinosa: Elliot, wait! Elliot, you did your flirty manipulation thing in front of that guy in there and now he thinks you're this despicable floozy ho excuse for a doctor.
- Gregory Marks: [to J.D] Hey, I bought you a journal.
- Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: Oh my God, a journal!
- Gregory Marks: Well, you seem like the kind of sensitive young buck that likes to chronicle his feelings.
- Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: [voice-over] I can't wait to chronicle this one.
- Dr. Elliot Reid: Do you have chocolate cake today?
- Male Cafeteria Worker: Nope.
- Dr. Elliot Reid: Oh, isn't that just the pickle on the giant crap sandwich that is my day!
- Dr. Christopher Turk: Elliot, relax. I never get chocolate cake.
- Dr. Elliot Reid: Oh right, 'cause you're diabetic. Boo-hoo! You know what, Turk, if you want sympathy, get a disease people can see!
- The Janitor: [to the interviewer] Hey, buddy. I need you to reconsider Blonde Doctor and I'm gonna tell you why. See, I'm the future Mr. Blonde Doctor? And I kinda need this to happened so that I can, uh- hey, over here. I need this to happen so that I can just hang around the house, and you know, bake bread or gab across the fence with neighbor Marge. Nice lady. Polish, I think. I'm not prejudice.
- Interviewer: What the hell are you talking about?
- The Janitor: Here's the thing: I need you to take this can of orange soda, turn, smile, and give Blonde Doctor a big thumbs up or I'm gonna take the same orange soda, follow you down to the parking lot and smash your head in with it.
- Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: Sometimes Dr. Cox is all over me like every second of my life.
- Murray Marks: Why do you keep talking about your boss like he's your father.
- Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: Remember? Recently deceased dad?
- Murray Marks: Massive heart attack!
- Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: Yes! I mean, yes.
- Dr. Perry Cox: [to Gregory] Boy, let me tell you about it. You know, I got this kid who constantly ignores my advice and then flashes me the sad doe eyes every time I call him a girl's name or scream in his face.
- Gregory Marks: Do you wanna sing about him?
- Dr. Perry Cox: No, not ever.
- Nurse Carla Espinosa: Okay, I put interview guy in the lounge and told him that Elliot was with a patient. Now, how are we gonna fix this thing?
- The Janitor: You're okay. The guy wanted an orange soda, right? We bring him an orange soda, maybe the whole thing goes away.
- Nurse Carla Espinosa: Okay, here's the plan: Jordan and I will take care of interview guy. Soft-Scrub, you can do whatever the hell you want.
- The Janitor: I will.
- Dr. Christopher Turk: You created a monster. Elliot did a little tongue dance in Franklyn's ear just to get him to do her labs before mine.
- Nurse Carla Espinosa: So she used her femininity! The only reason you usually get your lab work back so fast is because you always pick Franklyn to play basketball even though he always shoots his foul shots granny-style.
- Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: Look, Murray, it doesn't matter that your father's handsome and charismatic, and sings like a young Joan Baez.
- Dr. Elliot Reid: Franklyn, I was wondering if you could put a rush on Mr. Lowenstein's urinaylsis because I've got a really important interview for a fellowship next year.
- Franklyn: No. We're done talking now.
- [walks away]
- Nurse Carla Espinosa: Elliot, we can help.
- Dr. Christopher Turk: No! No, you will not turn Elliot into some flirtatious manipulator. I mean, don't get me wrong, outside the hospital, Elliot with her hair up is a slammin' hottie, but in here she's an asexual mess. And that's the natural order of things and you don't mess with the natural order!
- Nurse Carla Espinosa: Elliot, don't listen to him. He doesn't know what he's talking about.