Quotes
-
[after Dr. Cox announced that J.D. and Elliot are both gonna be chief resident]
J.D. : Uh... What now?
Dr. Cox : Well, I figure with her being ridiculously booksmart to the point where she has almost no interpersonal skills and you being warm and cuddly as an unpotty-trained labradoodle and about as useful in high-stress medical situations as an unpotty-trained labradoodle, together the two of you would make one barely passable doctor... slash labradoodle...
-
Dr. Cox : I don't know what to tell you, there, Bobbo. Either this kid has a light bulb up his butt or his colon has a great idea.
-
J.D. : Hey, when Elliot asked you if she could run for chief resident and you said "why not," that was just a goof, right?
Dr. Elliot Reid : Dr. Cox. Ran all those tests on Mr. Landisman.
Dr. Cox : Top-notch work, there, Barbie! She's good! She's very, very, very good! Now, sorry, where were we?
J.D. : I am a medical professional, and you are not gonna get me to compete with Elliot.
Dr. Cox : Well, Jo-Jo, right now she's winning.
J.D. : Let me know how to get back on top. I'll do anything, even if it means I have to kill somebody!
Dr. Cox : Well, you could start by getting the lightbulb out of this genius's pooper. Impress me.
J.D. : Oh, I'll impress you!
-
Dr. Molly Clock : Perry! You know, I have a cousin named Perry. But actually, no, he's not my cousin; and, you know, his name isn't Perry, it's... Jeff.
Dr. Cox : That's so funny. I have an uncle named Stop Bothering Me.
-
Dr. Christopher Turk : Why don't we just reach up there and tug that bad boy out?
Dr. Cox : It's not a rabbit in a hat. If you tug on it, it's going to break; and if it breaks, he's going to need surgery; and if you perform it, then, of course, he's going to need a casket. Sooo, why don't you just play quietly in your area until the crowd arrives.
-
Dr. Bob Kelso : That young man's father is very important.
Dr. Cox : Don't tell me. He donated a wing.
Dr. Bob Kelso : He donated a wing, a thigh, and a breast.
J.D. : Sir?
Dr. Bob Kelso : Yes, genius, in this metaphor the hospital is a chicken.
J.D. : Please, sir, I totally get that.
[Voice over]
J.D. : How could a hospital be a chicken?
-
Dr. Perry Cox : Come on, look, bottom line: I really needed a win, I did. And I finally got one and you--ya--you stole it, man!
Dr. Christopher Turk : I needed one, too!
Janitor : Boo-hoo. Where's my win? Think anybody thanks me for cleaning bathrooms?
Dr. Christopher Turk : Janitor, the bathrooms are filthy.
Janitor : Well, no one was thanking me, so I quit cleaning 'em.
-
Dr. Elliot Reid : Dr. Cox! Can you come take a look at my patient's rash? It's really weird.
Dr. Perry Cox : Ohh, I would love to come take a look at your patient's rash! But, also, if time allows, maybe we could go over some preliminary ideas for your wedding dress.
Dr. Elliot Reid : I have sketches in my locker.
Dr. Perry Cox : Pssst! Barbie! Listen carefully, because the policy remains unchanged: Unless someone is dying -- and puh-lease note DYING not DEAD -- I'm not interested. And P.S., just a real strong showing for a chief resident candidate. God almighty!
