- Dr. Bob Kelso: Perry, are you familiar with Sacred Heart's community service program?
- Dr. Perry Cox: Bobby, lately I've notice you don't listen to a single word people say, so my reply to your question is: I think you're the world's biggest jackass and I look forward to your death.
- Dr. Bob Kelso: Well, you must not be familiar with it because you're the only staff member not to have completed his 24-hour mandatory community service. Consider yourself suspended until you do. Oh... and I'm never dying...
- Dr. Perry Cox: Oh, God...
- Dr. Christopher Turk: Dude, now that I have adjusted your fuel valve, your scooter is going to fly!
- J.D.: Speaking of things that are fly, I made out with Molly last night. I know that was kind of a lame segue, but I've been with you all morning and you've yet to use the words "make" or "out."
- J.D.: [Voice over, while making out with Molly] God bless Molly Ringwald. And this Molly. Ah, the hell with it! God bless Mollys everywhere!
- Dr. Molly Clock: Look, I'm sorry, but I'm attracted to damaged, dysfunctional people, and you're just too normal.
- J.D.: [Voice over] Sometimes all it takes is a slammin' hottie to make you dig down deep and discover who you really are.
- [Aloud]
- J.D.: My emotional journey began at five years old when I walked in on my parents having sex in a position my father would later playfully describe as "the jackhammer." I have a mentor that verbally abuses me every chance he gets, and no matter how much I try, I can't stop constantly narrating my own life.
- [Voice over]
- J.D.: At that very moment, I feared I had divulged too much.
- [Aloud]
- J.D.: Molly, I'm narcissistic, I'm pessimistic, I'm obsessive, I'm insecure. And I am so afraid of intimacy that every one of my relationships is a journey of self-sabotage that inevitably ends in a black vacuum of shattered expectations and despair.
- Dr. Molly Clock: Wow.
- [She kisses him passionately]
- Denise: So, you gonna come by and visit me later?
- Dr. Perry Cox: Denise, that's not very likely. And here's why: All you do is talk, talk, talk talk, talk, talk, talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk. And when you're not talking, I'm betting you're thinking about talking. I mean, can I ask you a personal question? Have you ever had a thought that you DIDN'T immediately verbalize?
- Dr. Molly Clock: J.D., you just don't have that edgy mean streak that I'm attracted to.
- J.D.: [J.D. shoves Turk off the wheelchair ramp as he's walking past] You were saying?
- Dr. Christopher Turk: [Turk clamors back up] Dude, what the hell?
- [J.D. leans down and whispers in his ear]
- Dr. Christopher Turk: Oh, that's what's up. Go about your business.
- Dr. Christopher Turk: [stranded by Carla] Where were you?
- J.D.: I was treed by that coyote!
- Dr. Christopher Turk: You got your phone?
- J.D.: [feebly pauses] He took it.
- Elliot: [about Molly] I can't believe she's leaving!
- Dr. Christopher Turk: Hospital just lost its second-hottest employee.
- Carla: Don't think you can drool all over her just because you rank me number one.
- Dr. Christopher Turk: Baby, Nurse Tisdale's number one.
- [Carla gives him a dirty look]
- Dr. Christopher Turk: You g--you gotta be single to be on the list.
- Elliot: You actually rank the women of this hospital by their appearance?
- J.D.: Calm down, Twelve.
- Elliot: [to self] Yes, top twenty!
- J.D.: [after making out] Should we get out of here?
- Dr. Molly Clock: D'you think you can handle it?
- J.D.: No. But you won't know until after.